31 Days Of Horror #7: The Initation of Sarah

   As far as horror goes, this film is a toss-up, it does have the common elements of a horror movie but it is also an ABC Family production.

   To start off I have never seen the '78 film so I have no basis of comparison. I do know that actress Morgan Fairchild appeared in both of them. The film is about two twin sisters Sarah and Lindsay who are heading off to college. Sarah has had some problems in the past and the girls hope to have a fresh start.

  Their mother urges them to join her sorority, Alpha Nu headed by the prim and proper Corrine. The girls are also being wooed by Pi Epsilon Delta headed by a the slightly odd Doctor Hunter. It turns out that Alpha plans to sacrifice Sarah in an effort to keep their youth and powers.

   The movie is pretty decent, it lacks gore and only has a couple of murders that take place off screen. The actors are pretty awesome, Mika Boorem who plays Sarah is a likable heroine. Jennifer Tilly as always is seductive and gets a couple of good one-liners throughout the film. The films also stars Amber Wallace a talented but woefully underused actress.

  Summer Glau is also in this film but she really is a blank slate, there is none of the awesomeness that she would later bring to Firefly and TSCC.

   The film also gets some serious awesome points for featuring T.Rex's Children of the Revolution for the climatic end battle. This is one the few films with sequel hooks that made me actually want a follow up film. This is a great film for horror and non horror fans alike.

Sorority Row

The scariest thing about Sorority Row is that it's even worse than it's predecessor, The House on Sorority Row. The House on Sorority Row was awful, bad acting, dull script, and one of the dumbest endings in horror movie history.

The "plot" of the film centers around a stereotypical sorority consisting of the alpha mean girl, the drunk, the geek, the nice girl, the token minority and the future corpse. But what's this the future corpse's boyfriend is cheating on her? Oh noes! The only thing to do is perform an elaborate prank that ends in an accidental death. Not wanting to get in any trouble the girls hide what they did and try to move on. Then this killer fisherman starts hunting them down and... wait wrong movie.

The actors in this film are pretty unremarkable. Audrina Partridge actually comes off as one the more interesting characters in the film, and she doesn't even make it to the second reel. Carrie Fisher is fun and bad ass as the girls' housemother but that doesn't make the film worth watching. Poor Carrie, she can do so much better.

Rumer Willis fares the worse as the slowly falling apart geek sister. Her entire role consists of her crying or worse yet screaming. Her character screams the most out of the entire film. I found myself mentally begging the killer to just do it already and spare my tortured eardrums. Rumer is a good actress, she just needs to stop taking craptacular roles like this one.

The murders are dull, no real shock value, no honest scares. Too many minor, unnecessary, characters clutter up the film and the identity of the killer and their reasons for killing, even more ludicrous than the House on Sorority Row.

Oddly enough though, the film did have some funny one liners. Had the film concentrated on the humor as opposed to the horror, this could have been a fun little movie.

I Saw What You Did

And frankly it could not have been more boring. This weak '80s television remake of the much superior '65 William Castle film does not deliver.

The film stars Shawnee Smith and Tammy Lauren as Kim and Lisa, two recent friends who are spending the evening together. As with every '80s teen or horror film, Kim's dad is conveniently out of town.

Faced with the horrifying idea of a boy less and cable less the girl do what any normal teenage girls would do. Yes, call random people with the ominous phrase "I saw what you did, I know who you are."

Harmless fun, what are the odds that they will actually call someone with something to hide, oops. Yes former Revenge of The Nerds star, Robert Carradine has just offed his girlfriend and is none too pleased to hear that he had a witness.

Sadly Kim gets are warm and giggly for this stranger and continues calling and taunting him. In true '80s fashion, she, her friend, and her little sister (played by Candace Cameron) take her dad's car and drive to his house. This lame little part is simply a plot device to get the killer to the unsuspecting teens house.

Then there are the most boring, drawn-out, stalker scenes where nothing happens. The ending is anti-climatic and contrived to say the least. To top if off there's some stupid tacked on ending promising a sequel that thankfully never came to fruition.

This film was doomed from the start. I love Shawnee Smith but character was too annoying to really root for. Robert Carradine did his best, but was all and all too darn dull to inspire terror in even the most easily frightened viewer.

Skip this film and head for the original version, Joan Crawford is simply divine in it.

Pulse 2: Afterlife

Americanizing a Japanese horror film can be a hit or miss situation. For every good film like The Ring you have to suffer through One Missed Call. Pulse in my humble opinion was a great film Kristen Bell and Ian Somerhelder were awesome and it was a nice way to pass time.

Pulse 2 however is an insult, a big middle finger pointed at the masses as they run off with your the money you squandered in order to watch it. The only word that can describe it would be unnecessary.

The plot basically centers around the restless spirit of a woman stalking her ex-husband and daughter. To punish the unfaithful ex, Mommy Deadest intends to take her daughter into the afterlife with her. The ex however plans to fight her at every turn.

Let's start with the "hero" of the film. He seems emotionally stunted at best. In one scene in a small cabin with his traumatized daughter in the next room, his current squeeze wants to fool around. Despite saying no, all it takes is five seconds of body heat before he's ready to toss her on a table and get busy. Let's further traumatize the already traumatized daughter.

Then there was the gore which was nauseating and had no place in the movie. Eye gouging, slain house pets, repulsive sex scenes, none of these enhanced the film and were obviously thrown in for shock value. And did I mention of the ghosts walks around nude, unnecessarily so.

There is some strange side character who swoops in, announces his plans to "end the madness" once and for all. Was he some forgotten character from the first film or a weak link to a Pulse 3 (please god no stop it). He has no point whatsoever which is sad because he was the only tolerable person in this mess.

The ending was abrupt, pointless, and confusing. Rather than defy the odds and create a sequel as good as it's predecessor. It was tossed together in a slapdash effort to score some quick cash. And with straight to DVD sequels becoming popular I see no end to inferior sequels in the near future.

Why You Fail At Horror

After reading Stephen King's recent EW article "Why Hollywood Can't Do Horror" I started thinking about the state of the horror film. I realized that the large majority of my favorite horror films come from '60s, '70s, and '80s. Very few of the recent films were likable or memorable enough to make me want to watch again. Horror has lost it's way in the recent years.

One thing I can't stand about recent horror is the gross-out factor that half of the movie director's are going for. If the film isn't filled with graphic dismemberment, disemboweled organs, and gore then it's considered boring. I hated The Hills Have Eyes remakes, I couldn't finish Wrong Turn, and I thought the entire Saw franchise was dumb. I don't like to vomit and don't see why I have to spend money so that a director can try his damnedest to make me do so.

True horror doesn't need the best guts money can by. Horror is supposed to scare you not gross you out. Take Psycho for instance, the shower scene still scares the pants off me. It plays off one of my basest fears. What if someone attacked me while I am in the shower. There is no escape, there is no weapon to defend you. The shower scene from Psycho is one of the most chilling scenes in horror cinema and you never saw the knife penetrate Janet Leigh. Some recent horror films keep the faith. The directors of such films as Hostel, Frailty, and Ginger Snaps know when to use gore and when to scare the pants off of you.

We don't need to understand the killer in horror movies, we don't want to. In the real world people are killed for just being in the wrong place at the wrong time, that is a scary thought. Slumber Party Massacre is a movie that comes to mind. Granted it wasn't the best slasher film of all time but the ending was awesome. When we find out the killer was just some random dude with no connection to the final girl, it was refreshing. We didn't have to delve into his psyche and find out the reason he killed, he simply killed.

1974's Black Christmas was also awesome in the fact that we never knew why the killer did it. He stayed mysterious and uncaught, stunned viewers wondered who he was and better yet who was Agnes. It some cases there are questions that never need answers. When you answer those questions you get Black Christmas the remake. A film filled with unlikable characters, boring subplots and gore gore gore galore. Oh and yes we now know why the killer did what he did. He's not a bad man just a kid who watched his mother kill his father. A kid who was forced to impregnate his mother. A kid who is forced to live in walls. What's the point of the back story? Are we supposed to forgive him because he just didn't know any better?

Today's horror takes itself way too seriously. Sometimes a good horror film can be deliciously cheesy as well. Not every horror film needs to be "deep". We don't need some slap in the face about what horrible people we are. We don't need a message on how we brought this horror on ourselves. Modern horror seems more about being discussed and revered than actually trying to scare the viewers.

I miss being scared by a horror movie. Not startled, not grossed out, not confused simply scared. I miss slasher films that were all about the slash, not burdened down by back story. Michael Myers was scariest in the first Halloween movie. Because you had no idea why he was on his spree. They gave you the facts, mysteriously killed sister and lived in Haddonfield. His scariness failed as soon they brought in relatives and thorn cults. Freddy from Nightmare On Elm Street 1, mysterious and scary. But of course the back story fairy had to interfere. I hate the back story fairy.

True horror is mystery, suspense, the kind of film that keeps you from sleeping at night. The film that makes you want to turn on all the lights. We don't need big budget movies fraught with gore and socio-political meaning. We just need to get the that delicious chill up our spines once more.

Prom Night

I don't know why they refer to this as a remake as 1980s Prom Night. There are virtually no similarities between the two films save for the title.

The plot centers around Donna Keppell, a young teen whose entire family was butchered by a teacher who was obsessed with her. Now three years later, Donna is preparing for her senior prom unaware that the teacher has now escaped and is coming for her.

The film really holds up due to acting of Brittany Snow who plays Donna. She's a good actress and takes a character that could've been annoying and makes you sympathetic to her. Other actors include Jonathan Schaech, Linden Ashby, and a brief appearance by Ming Na.

There is surprisingly little gore in this movie and some character development. However it seems strange to devote such depth into characters (mainly the first two killed) who you know will not be long for this world.

All in all, it's a pretty decent little slasher, not the best but still enjoyable to watch.

Day Of The Dead

I am using the teaser poster for this review. The DVD poster which basically looks like some guy vomiting up a zombie was too gross.

If you think this film is similar to the awesome 2004 remake of Dawn Of The Dead, think again. This film is more akin to some god awful made for Sci-Fi Channel tv movie.

The plot centers around Corporal Sarah Cross (a badly miscast Mena Suvari) who returns to her hometown during a zombie outbreak. After the entire town, including her mother fall ill to the virus, Sarah is desperate to find her younger brother before it's too late.

The film sadly is boring, the special effects are sub par, and despite the fact that the awesome Ving Rhames is portrayed as a major character in the trailers, he barely lasts 30 minutes in the film. The film bears no direct resemblance to the 1985 version. There is a female soldier as a lead character and a zombie who acts human and becomes an ally. That's about it.

And beware the ending which is a stupid zombie jumping out at the screen in the last frame. If it's not funny in those stupid Youtube videos, it's not funny on the silver screen. This marks the first time in a long time that I haven't enjoyed watching a zombie film, and I have seen some pretty Z grade ones.

April Fool's Day

Normally I'd be all up in arms over another '80s classic horror film being revamped but luckily for this movie I barely remember the original. This enabled me to watch it with a fresher mind than I'll likely have when Terror Train and Prom Night's remakes emerge.

The movie by no means is the best horror film in the world but it doesn't suck either. The movie focuses on rich siblings Blaine and Desiree whose April Fools prank on Desiree's frenemy, Milan results in her accidental death.

A year later Blaine, Desiree, and four of their friends who were present at Milan's death start receiving warnings supposedly from Milan. The warnings insist that whoever was responsible for Milan's death must step forward or all the others will die.

The film is suspenseful and actually surprises the viewer with it's twists and turns. I not only couldn't predict the ending I enjoyed it immensely.

I also have to give it up for Rumer Scout Compton, when I saw her in Rob Zombie's Halloween remake I didn't like her. But her role in April Fools Day was cute and intriguing and I may now have to re watch Halloween to see if it's changed my view on her.

The film doesn't star anyone else I recognize but the actress who plays Desiree bears a startling resemblance to Buffy/Angel actress Charisma Carpenter.

The Eye

Honestly not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Jessica Alba plays Sydney a violinist who has been blind since she was 5 years old. She gets a cornea transplant that brings her more than just sight. It brings her the ability to see the dead.

These new visions begin to effect Sydney's life threatening her very sanity in the process. With the help of her therapist she begins to search for the donor in an attempt to get answers.

This film is quite suspenseful with honest to goodness and some pretty scary scenes. Jessica Alba shines as Sydney and we are even blessed with awesome Parker Posey as well. The script is most decent however I found the ending to be rather ludicrous and tacked on. And the final reveal of the donor seemed rushed and not properly thought out. All in all though it's a decent movie that will entertain.

On a personal note: To the people in the theater with me, I am aware you probably didn't like the film as much as I did. That's okay not everyone has the same tastes. However not everyone pays nearly 20$ for film and food just to listen to you guys. Laughing for nearly 30 minutes during a horror movie, yelling such witty platitudes as "Oooh scary," and "Run bitch run", and ignoring the people who kept shushing you is simply trashy and ignorant. If you don't like the film and can't keep your trap shut then leave, the rest of the audience will thank you.

Movie theaters need to bring back movie ushers to patrol the theaters during the films. We need to have theaters that aren't afraid of ousting the problem customers. So you might lose one or two customers, you've just gained the respect of the other 40. We pay a lot of money to see these films, we should be able to see the film in peace.

One Missed Call

For me to say a horror movie is awful is pretty much a death knell for the film. Why you ask? Simple when it comes to horror films my standards are pretty low. I love horror movies from the very good to the very godawful. The awful ones are great because even in their badness it's still entertaining.

One Missed Call is a complete bore with a dull script, absolutely no character development, and a confusing ending. The movie follows Beth Raymond, a young girl who's friends start dropping like flies. Prior to their deaths each of them received a voice mail with a recording of their deaths and the exact time they perish. Beth has received the same message and is desperate to keep this from happening to her. She is joined Det. Jack Andrews whose own sister was the victim of this curse.

The real tragedy is that they Americanized a pretty awesome Japanese film and turned it into the most boring mess. Plus the actor and actresses talents are wasted here. The film stars Shannyn Sossaman as Beth, Ed Burns as Jack, the always talentes Azura Skye in the blink and you'll miss it role of Leeann, and Margaret Cho who is wasted as a co-worker of Jack's.

Steer clear of this film at all costs.