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Thursday, August 30, 2012

True Blood: A Season in Review (Spoilers! Consider yourself warned.

   Now that True Blood is on hiatus, let's take a look at the highs and lows of season 5.

    To start with I loved that the season did not completely focus on Sookie. I like Sookie but it was refreshing to have the character step back and give the other characters a chance to shine. For instance, the bromance between Eric and Bill. It was nice to see them do something other than brood and pine over our fairy waitress. Bill is still a douche though, it's not too late for that one way ticket to Peru.

   I wasn't too crazy about the Authority. I loved seeing Tina Marjorino on the show, it's a shame her part was so small. Salome was meh and didn't really come across as interesting. Her multiple sex scenes were just painful to watch since she had no chemistry with any of her male co-stars. I started out disliking Nora but grew to like her especially in the final episode. I look forward to seeing her character next season.

   Sookie's fairy/Warlow storyline I could take or leave. I felt the show dialed back her storyline due to the actress' recent pregnancy. It was nice to explore the fairy world even if the fairy elder was pointless and unnecessary.

   Pam and Tara were just phenomenal. Kristin Bauer van Straten and Rutina Wesley have great chemistry together. I liked how they did not rush them into a relationship and allowed the audience to bond with the characters. I am probably one of the few people who approved of the show turning Tara into a vampire. The last couple of seasons it seemed like the show had no idea what to do with her, besides torture her. Vampire Tara is the bad ass bitch. that the character was always meant to be.


  Speaking of bitches, Hi Jason. I just don't like the character. He's a boring man slut who occasionally angsts over the fact that he is a boring man slut. His new hatred for vampires wasn't interesting in Season 2 and is not interesting now. The only thing he had going for him was Jessica and the show messed that all up.

   And Jessica...can someone please give this character something interesting to do. Deborah Ann Woll is a great actress and she needs a great story line to prove that. Look at the goodbye scene between her and Hoyt for instance. I was also impressed with Hoyt's departure, he was a kind character who deserved a decent exit. Kudos to True Blood for not senselessly killing him off.

   And while we are on the subject of unappreciated characters, let's give Lafayette something to do. Having him run around in a dollar store demon mask was an insult to Nelsan's Ellis' talents.

  Steve Newlin's return was awesome and his relationship with Russell was just adorable. I wished he and Russell could have escaped somehow and moved to a villa in France. I love Russell and hope he survives his final death and makes his way back to us.

   The werewolf story line was all right. It's great to have Robert Patrick back on television and Dale Dickey is awesome as Martha. It was also nice to see Alcide not pining over Sookie and getting back to his werewolf roots.


  I could have done without Terry's past and the Obamas. Terry is a great background character but seriously a smoke monster? Have we resorted to ripping off Lost? Will Sam morph into Vincent and finally become interesting?

   The Obamas were ridiculous. It was a dumb plot that had no place in the season. I didn't care about the previous sheriff nor his square dancing paramour. If the show had really had some balls, Maxine would have been the leader of the anti-sup group. It would have made more sense.

   To quote Jane Bodehouse "When did Andy Bellefluer get so (bleeping) hot?" Out of nowhere he stopped Barney Fife and started being a likable character. His relationship with Holly is so adorable and his fairy mama drama was hysterical. I can't wait to see how he'll deal with the addition of four fairy babies to his already complicated life.

    Season 5 has definitely made up for the nightmare know as the previous season. I look forward to seeing how the next season will pan out.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Return to Sleepaway Camp


  I guess the old adage is true; you can't go home again. And nothing proves this theory more than Return to Sleepaway Camp.

   Return picks up where the original left off and ignores the previous installments of Sleepaway Camp 2 and 3. Unfortunately it also ignores a coherent script and likable characters. And topping off the list of unlikable characters is our "protagonist" Alan.

   Alan is supposed to the kid that everyone bullies similar to Angela from the first film. The difference between the two is that you actually could root for Angela. You felt bad for this quiet strange girl that the majority of the camp abused, you had sympathy.

   Alan on the other hand is obnoxious and violent. In fact, he is worse than the so-called bullies that torment him. He's like that kid in school who punches you for no reason then goes crying to the teacher when you hit back. He also has a catchphrase, "Your ass stinks." A pointless little sentence is that is used far too often in the films. The movie hand waves his bad behavior by giving him some kind of disorder but it still doesn't make him likable.

   It was good to see Paul DeAngelo, Jonathan Tiersten, and Felissa Rose return. It kept the movie from being a total waste of time. I do admit to feeling gypped about how little time Felissa got in the film. And that stupid post credits scene involving her did not make up for it. The film also features Vincent Pastore as the camp owner and Issac Hayes as the token black chef with minimal screen time. Hayes died soon after filming this movie, a sad end to an otherwise great career.

   If you loved the original Sleepaway Camp, you'll despise this one. This film is only worth viewing for the return of the original cast and some decent kill scenes.

Thursday, August 9, 2012


  Hi readers, summer came and stole me away but I have returned. Today I attempt to deposit some interest into the movie, ATM.

  ATM is what I call a trapped in the closet movie. The usually unlikable characters (and the poor viewers) get trapped somewhere and spend the next hour or so boring people to death. Devil did it. P2 did it. And sadly, ATM is no exception.

  All mild-mannered David wants to do is ferry his longtime crush home from a Christmas party. Unfortunately, he is forced to take a drunken co-worker home as well. One pizza craving later and our dense little trio find themselves held hostage in an ATM booth by a parka wearing killer.

  ATM is claustrophobic and seriously lacking in suspense. It's a ludicrous premise where we are supposed to believe that an ATM can be easily shut down. We are supposed to believe that three able-bodied grownups cannot outrun or even beat the crap out of a lone killer.

  The characters are cowardly, neurotic, and obnoxious. You wouldn't hold an elevator door for these a-holes  let alone care whether they lived or died. The ending is the biggest insult to the viewers. It tries to portray this killer as some kind of evil genius on a mission. This is a guy who literally stood outside waiting for these fucktards to accidentally kill each other. It's like putting three scorpions in a jar and watching them duke it out, only the scorpions would be smarter.

   Don't deposit your time and energy in this piece of crap.