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Thursday, April 23, 2009

She Fought Alone

Seriously what's up with this cover? I don't remember him being that tall when the two of them were on 90210 together. This movie has a fun casting fact. In the film She Cried No, Zach (Mark Paul Gosslear) from Saved By The Bell rapes D.J. (Candace Cameron) from Full House. In She Fought Alone, Zach's girlfriend Kelly (Tiffani-Amber Thiessen) gets raped by D.J's boyfriend, Viper (David Lipper).

Tiffani plays Caitlin, a new girl accepted into the most popular group in school. Caitlin falls hard for Ethan and the two hook up. Caitlin learns that Ethan is no longer interested and she is expected to hook up with his friend, Jace. Jace is less than enthused by her rejection and rapes her.

Unfortunately for Caitlin, no one believes that she was raped including her own mother. Jace and the rest of the popular crew vow to shut her up. However shutting her up consists of graffiti, nasty notes, and prank phone calls.

Caitlin has the opportunity to graduate early but her mom won't let her. After all she can't miss prom or graduation. Ahh prom and graduation with a bunch of people harassing you, memories like that can't be bought. The school is equally unhelpful protecting her, the boys punishment is being banned from a couple of games, which only succeeds in making them angrier.

Caitlin's supposed best friend leads her into a trap where the popular boys hack off her hair and threaten her. Only then does Ethan feebly "stands up" for her, too little to late in my opinion. Eventually Caitlin sues the school and of course wins.

The ending is extremely surreal. Caitlin is heading off to college but first she visits her former best friend. The friend is pregnant with Jace's baby and it's implied that she was raped too. Her excuse for betraying Caitlin was that if she really had been raped, it would've made them look like whores. Okay, that makes sense really.

She visits Ethan, who is staying behind and actually feels sorry for him. She even kisses him before saying goodbye. Don't pity the guy who barely stood up for you while his friends harassed you. Do doughnuts in his driveway while flipping him off.

To make this film's ending even worse, she has a flashback/montage of all the good times she had with the crew set to Blues Traveler's Hook. One of her fond memories is running through a field crying, with her hair hacked off. Ahh good times.

Next up for review Go Ask Alice.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

No One Would Tell

This film is hard enough to take seriously without being hindered with this cover. Fred looks like he's telling her that she has something in her teeth. Candace doesn't look frightened she looks like she's about to shove him into a locker and take his lunch money. Like most of these films it was based on a true story.

It's a typical Lifetime plot. Perfect boy meets perfect girl, boy and girl are nauseatingly happy for about five minutes. Boy becomes abusive, girl keeps forgiving him until growing a pair and dumping his ass. Don't expect a happy ending though, tragedy is looming.

The main problem with this movie is the casting. Fred Savage is unconvincing as the villain, he should stick to comedies and more light-hearted fare. Candace Cameron, normally I love her acting but she is so shrill and annoying in this it makes my head hurt.

The real schmaltz of the film is at the ending. We are treated to a lecture about not looking the other way when someone's being abusive. This lecture is delivered by Sally Jessy Raphael, replaying a bunch of scenes to the film set to a song called No One Would Tell.

Don't get me wrong I respect the message of the movie, I just hate the way it was delivered. The film also stars Michelle Phillips, Eric Balfour, and Justina Machado.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

She Cried No

This film was originally released as She Cried No. However, for some insane reason it was retitled Freshman Fall. What kind of title is that nobody physically falls from anything, this title would have been more appropriate for Dying To Belong.

The adult in me wants to write that this movie is a lot better than most television films. The adult in me wants to praise it's portrayal of date rape, a topic that is something every girl should know about me. The teenager in me however wants to mock the god awful wardrobe. She also wants to squeal "Oh my god, Zach Morris is raping D.J. Tanner."

Candace Cameron plays Melissa, a freshman who goes to a frat party and gets raped by one of her brother's friends. She goes appropriately nuts for awhile before deciding to press charges. Unfortunately due to the fact that she was drunk the night of the party and didn't press charges right away, justice is too difficult to find.

Candace Cameron is a cutie but is cursed with mom jeans and boxy little vests throughout the film. Mark Paul Gosslear is actually a major a-hole in this film, refusing to accept what he did throughout the film.

The film also stars Nikki Cox and Jenna von Oÿ as Melissa's roommates. I normally adore Nikki Cox but she was flat out boring in her scenes. Jenna however was absoultely heart-breaking as a girl who suffers a smiliar fate as Melissa but with more disasterous results.

Stay tuned for when I review No One Would Tell a.k.a Kevin Arnold beats up D.J. Tanner.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Death Of A Cheerleader

Death of a Cheerleader is awesomely bad. One of those you will watch it but never admit you watched it kind of films. It's loosely based on the 1984 murder of Kirsten Costas by her classmate Bernadette Protti.

Kellie Martin plays Angela Delvecchio, an overachiever who transfers from catholic school regular public school. Angela is determined to have it all, yearbook editor, cheerleader, etc etc. Even though she does end up doing pretty well in school, she still feels that she is a failure.

The bane of Angela's existence is Stacy Lockwood (Tori Spelling) a popular rich girl who obviously can't stand Angela. This slight puts Angela's OCD into overdrive and she vows to win over Stacy. This of course leads to a death of a cheerleader.

I don't like to give away endings to film but the title, DVD cover, and trailer already have, so why not? The murder happens quickly and we are stuck with watching Angela lament her actions over and over.

I felt the main waste of this film was casting Valerie Harper as Angela's mom. Despite the fact that she's a seasoned actress who deserves more, all she is is a background character in the film. The same goes for Christa Miller whose stuck with the why bother role of the older sister. To round off this waste of talented actresses, Kathryn Morris plays a stereotypical goth girl. Look fast for Terry Quinn as a rather creepy principal.

The thing that sticks out about this film is that neither of the main characters are likable. Tori Spelling is typically bland and bitchy. Kellie Martin who's supposed to be a nice girl pushed to far starts the film off as rather unhinged.

This is a film strictly for people who like bad television movies or hate themselves.