Celine: The Movie

At the height of Selena's career, she was shot by someone she trusted. Naomi Judd struggled with poverty while raising her daughters. Tina Turner survived years of abuse at the hands of her husband. These are people we'd go to see movies about.

Celine: The Movie is not one of those films. Usually an unauthorized biography is sleazy or it dredges up facts that the celebrity normally glosses over. This film sadly has none of these qualities. What we get is a boring fluff piece that never really gets off the ground.

The film follows Celine from her ugly duckling childhood to her swan song on the Titanic. We pretty much cover familiar ground, Celine's family was poor, she had a lot of siblings, she married her 26 years older manager. You could get this same stuff from a Wikipedia page in half the time it takes to sit through this film.

The scenes between preteen Celine and her manager comes off as unintentionally creepy. I don't know if it was bad acting or just having the knowledge that in a few short years they will be man and wife.

The casting is awful not a single one of the actresses who played Celine looked a thing like her. Take a gander at the one who portrays Celine as a grown-up. She looks like a cross between Jennifer Grey and Annie Potts.

FYI: Just because the two have curly hair does not mean that they look alike




As I previously said the film ends in 1998, when she records the iconic Titanic theme song. The film was made in 2008. They missed a part of Celine's life that would have made the movie interesting. Her husband gets diagnosed with cancer and Celine puts her career on hold to take care of them. How about having a son after years of trying? And her triumphant return after her husband gets better. If I were to have made this film that is what I would've focused on.

This film is really only entertaining if you are a die hard Celine Dion fan. And if you are the many anachronisms might very well drive you crazy, so consider yourself warned.

Bonnie & Clyde: The True Story

I have been a Bonnie and Clyde fanatic since I was nine. It was quite a surprise to me that somehow I missed this movie when it came out in '92.

Bonnie & Clyde impressed me with staying accurate to what really transpired between the bank robbing duo. It mentions Bonnie's first marriage and the car fire that nearly killed her. Things that were generally glossed over in other Bonnie and Clyde films. The film takes it's time with story, it simply doesn't throw the two together and instantly have them robbing banks. It also doesn't shy away from the fact that yes, Bonnie and Clyde did kill a lot of people, several of them cops.

The casting however is another story, Dana Ashbrook is too much of a pretty boy to make a convincing Clyde. To make matters worse he bears a striking resemblance to Zack from Saved by the Bell, which didn't help matters any. Tracy Needham who plays Bonnie didn't really jump off the screen. No matter how intense the scenes were, she remained bland and unconvincing.

Doug Savant plays a sheriff that was once a friend of B&C's who is now forced to pursue the felonious duo. I loved him in Melrose Place and Desperate Housewives but in this film he is just boring and has no real point in the story.

The film gets major points for the portrayal of Clyde's sister in law, Blanche Barrows. In the '67 film, Bonnie and Clyde, she was inaccurately portrayed as a hysterical fishwife constantly making trouble. She was also portrayed as having cooperated with the cops, which in real life never happened. This Blanche Barrows is more humanized and treated with a little more respect than the previous film had.

If you can look past the miscasting, this is a fairly decent television movie with a kind of Lifetime feel to it. Also it is a good recommendation for people wanting to know more about Bonnie and Clyde.

Swearing Allegiance a.k.a Love's Deadly Triangle.

As with most of these films, Swearing Allegiance a.k.a Love's Deadly Triangle is based on a true story. It covers the 1995 murder of teenager Adrianne Jones, by Diane Zamora and David Graham. It stars Full House's Viper (David Lipper) and Charmed's Piper (Holly Marie Combs).

Without any prelude, we immediately start at the murder. Diane and David attack Adrianne before David chases her into a field and shoots her. We cut to David typing his confession on a computer. He and Diane are obsessed with one another, perfect love, blah, blah.

The scene switches to Diane and her friend Susie (Joanna Garcia) walking down the halls of their high school. Diane is blathering the same boring B.S. about David and it's all so very boring. We than pan to them wildly making out, David wants to go further but Diane can't.

"David, my virginity is something I can only give once" Sadly that was a direct quote. David sugar talks her into it very quickly and they have teh sex. It's so romantic he pawns his rifles to buy her an engagement ring.

On their way home, they stop at a local fast food place. Adrianne (a.k.a AJ) takes them their order and chitchats with David, much to a jealous Diane's displeasure. AJ's co-worker interrupts them to inform her that some guy is back.

That guy is Brian, an awkward and nervous boy that has been hounding AJ. She hides from Brian as her co-worker tries to discourage him. AJ feels bad that she's avoiding him. We go back to Diane in the car grilling David about how he knows AJ.

David and AJ meet up at a track meeting and get all hot and bothered on the bus ride home. Meanwhile Diane and mother argue about losing her virginity, Diane assures her mother that she will marry him. The groom to be however is hooking up with AJ in the woods somewhere.

Later on, David and Diane are on a date when they run into AJ and her boyfriend. Diane senses the awkwardness between them and demands answers. He admits that he has had "carnal knowledge" of AJ. Diane begins crying hysterically and throws a fit.

Rather than turn to shopping therapy, couple's therapy, or for the love of God, professional therapy, Diane decides that AJ must die. After a few scenes of AJ hanging out with her mother, she gets a call from David asking her to meet him. AJ sneaks out and gets in the truck, we all know what happens next.

AJ's mother realizes she is missing while David and Diane innocently study. AJ's body is discovered in a field and two detectives inform her mother. As they question her she remembers that a David had called AJ the night before. Her brother informs him that he saw a white truck the night before.

The detectives come into the school and begin questioning the students about the murder. David denies having ever known her and soon suspicion shifts to Brian. Brian has no memory of that night due mixing depression pills and booze.

David and Diane attend AJ's funeral but Diane begins to freak out, they vow to be honorable citizens from now on. David gets into the Air Force, Diane gets into the Navy. The detective continue to badger Brian until his father gets fed up and threatens the police. A SWAT team later storms Brian's house and arrests him. Does it really require an entire SWAT team to apprehend a single murder suspect? Brian is released after he passes a lie detector test.

At prom, Susie tells Diane that there is a rumor that she killed AJ for sleeping with David. Diane gets angry and storms out which only makes her look guilty. She assures David that everything will be fine as they dance in front of a picture of AJ.

Diane and David go off to their respective bases. Diane begins to break down and eventually confesses what she did to another cadet. Then she sticks her tongue down his throat, apparently she doesn't practice what she preaches. Diane cannot keep her trap shut and also brags about it to her roommates.

Her roommates report her to the cops but she claims that she was just joking. She is sent home anyway for the time being. Instead of going home she hightails it to Colorado where David is. Meanwhile the cops finally get a clue and begins to suspect the bumbling lovers.

They find a friend of David's that remembers that David and Diane came to his house that night covered in blood. This was obviously something that he didn't feel was important enough to tell the cops about.

The detectives tell him what his friend said and David finally confesses. His confession includes a gem about "Diane's eyes playing the strings of his heart. Blecchh! We then see the murder from David's point of view. David and Diane are arrested while Mrs Jones weeps over the loss of her daughter.

Now most of these films would have ended with the trial or some info on what happened to the couple. However this film was released before the trial had even ended. Talk about jumping the gun a little.

Next we go back to a simpler snarky time with Love Comes Softly starring Katerine Heigl.

Death Of A Cheerleader

Death of a Cheerleader is awesomely bad. One of those you will watch it but never admit you watched it kind of films. It's loosely based on the 1984 murder of Kirsten Costas by her classmate Bernadette Protti.

Kellie Martin plays Angela Delvecchio, an overachiever who transfers from catholic school regular public school. Angela is determined to have it all, yearbook editor, cheerleader, etc etc. Even though she does end up doing pretty well in school, she still feels that she is a failure.

The bane of Angela's existence is Stacy Lockwood (Tori Spelling) a popular rich girl who obviously can't stand Angela. This slight puts Angela's OCD into overdrive and she vows to win over Stacy. This of course leads to a death of a cheerleader.

I don't like to give away endings to film but the title, DVD cover, and trailer already have, so why not? The murder happens quickly and we are stuck with watching Angela lament her actions over and over.

I felt the main waste of this film was casting Valerie Harper as Angela's mom. Despite the fact that she's a seasoned actress who deserves more, all she is is a background character in the film. The same goes for Christa Miller whose stuck with the why bother role of the older sister. To round off this waste of talented actresses, Kathryn Morris plays a stereotypical goth girl. Look fast for Terry Quinn as a rather creepy principal.

The thing that sticks out about this film is that neither of the main characters are likable. Tori Spelling is typically bland and bitchy. Kellie Martin who's supposed to be a nice girl pushed to far starts the film off as rather unhinged.

This is a film strictly for people who like bad television movies or hate themselves.

A Cry For Help: The Tracey Thurman Story

This film is probably one of the more honest cinema portrayals of domestic violence I have ever seen. It is based off the true life story of Tracey Thurman, a woman who has was harrassed and stalked by her estranged ex husband, Buck Thurman. The police were no help in protecting her and her son, eventually she was stabbed by Buck in plain view of cops and neighbors. Buck only got 14 years in prison.

For further information on the case go to http://www.rep-am.com/videos/tracey/

Now back to the film, Nancy McKeon is amazing as Tracey. She is intense in the beating scenes and heartbreaking in the post stabbing scenes. She doesn't come off as some weak little woman afraid of life, but rather a fighter intent on survival.

Dale Midkiff is a shock in this, the only thing I can remember seeing him in was Pet Semartary. He's is truly scary as Buck Thurman. With another actor some of his lines could have come off as over the top. But in Midkiff's case, he gives viewers an honest look on how hard it can be to extradite yourself from a toxic relationship.

Warning the beating scenes are intense. Even I who have seen a lot of violent films was disturbed by the stabbing scenes. However I encourage people, especially women to see this film. Maybe Tracey's story can save other women from what happened to her.

The film also stars Bruce Weitz who currently plays Anthony on General Hospital.

Madonna: Innocence Lost

More like the $1.50 lost renting this DVD. Heck in when this thing aired on Fox in 1994, I could have been pissed off for free. I didn't know there was a Madonna television movie, so being a Madonnaphile I was excited to see this.

First and foremost, it is asinine to try to do any kind of Madonna film in two hours or an hour and thirty minutes sans commercials. It comes off as rushed and doesn't really delve into Madonna's past. It leaps over some major key moments from that time period that could made the film more interesting.

Did we really need to know how close Madonna was with her first manager. Granted I loved seeing Wendy Malick in the film but her character seemed like emotionless filler. The grunty, sweaty, gratuitous sex scenes were also unnecessary. We get it Madonna had sex, she even wrote a book about it. And the title, Innocence Lost, what a joke. She is potrayed as cold and calculating, using sex to get her way. Where was this supposed innocence?

What about showing her auditioning for Fame? Maybe explain the story behind that wacky (and not suitable for work) student film she did? Maybe the story behind a Certain Sacrifice, a film that Madonna fought like hell to keep from being released.

The actress Terumi Matthews is apparently no stranger to playing Madonna. Her IMDB page lists her as playing Madonna in the Dennis Rodman television movie Bad As I Wanna Be. The problem though while she shares a certain resembelence to the singer, she simply can't pass as Madonna. She looks suprisingly like Gloria Estefan which made it harder for me to accept her as the singer.

This movie is to be avoided, especially if you are a hard core Madonna fan.

Gracie's Choice

Gracie's Choice is a 2004 Lifetime movie starring Anne Heche and Kristen Bell. It was inspired by this 2000 Reader's Digest article.

Kristen Bell plays Gracie, a teenager forced to take care of her younger siblings as her mother neglects them in favor of drugs and ill-advised relationships. Gracie realizes that their mother's continual presence will ultimately separate her family, so she lobbies to become the legal guardian of her three younger brothers.

Kristen Bell is amazing as Gracie. She shows the right combination of vulnerability and determination as the plucky hero of this film. And Anne Heche is chilling as her drug-addled mother. She does such a great job that you will find yourself despising her and routing for Gracie to win.

This is definitely a film not to be missed. It's emotional, uplifting, and sometimes heart-breaking. There is never a really fake moment in the film and comes off as more of a documentary than a fictional film.

Shattered Innocence

Yet another entry in the never would have seen it if it hadn't been for Lifetime Movie Network genre.

This film based loosely on the life of Shauna Grant,(who was based on the adult films star, Colleen Applegate) a 20 year old adult film star who shot herself in 1984. Allegedly Colleen's parents used the money they got from selling the rights to purchase her tomb stone.

The film centers around the character of Pauleen Anderson, a young girl from the Midwest who goes to Hollywood to become a star. Like a lot of girls Pauleen instead falls into the world of adult films and cocaine. Disgusted with what she's become, she tries to get out of that world by moving in with a kindly, older, cocaine dealer (ironically portrayed a kind and caring character. However when he gets busted and goes to prison, Pauleen sadly returns to the world she left behind, eventually committing suicide.

This film would have been a simple run of the mill little girl lost tale if it hadn't been for Jonna Lee, who played Pauleen. She gave the character an innocence at reminded the viewer that despite what she was doing for a living, she still was a teenager. The film also interestingly doesn't blame it all of the adult film industry. Instead it shows how easily a naive girl can be drawn into the glitz and glamor of the industry and not see what's underneath it all.

Jonna Lee oddly stopped acting shortly after this film aired. The movie also stars Melinda Dillion and Stephen Schnetzer who Another World fans will remember as Cass Winthrop.