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Friday, January 29, 2010

Before They Were Famous: The Theme Song Edition

In the world of television, your theme song is your calling card. It's a 30 sec attempt to keep new viewers from changing the channel. However some shows struggled before finding their memorable openings

A popular way of turning a so so theme song into a hit, remove the lyrics shows such as Bewitched, I Dream Of Jeannie, and M*A*S*H. While Bewitched's and Jeannie's were only mild improvements, M*A*S*H was literally saved by lyric removal.

The song is flat out depressing and not something you would welcome into your home every week. Especially since M*A*S*H is primarily a comedy. You can see the Bewitched theme and Jeannie's here.

Sometimes the theme songs need only a slight overhaul. Such as Michael Damian's version of the Saved By The Bell soundtrack or the orignal theme song to South Park sung by Matt Stone and Trey Parker. And sometimes a simple verse of the song is cut from the opening with no one the wiser. Such as the original Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

I don't know why they cut this verse out perhaps to shorten the opening.

Then there were the original themes that thankfully never aired such as the Calypso influenced Gilligan's Island theme.

I know they were trying for a tropical vibe but this awful. The theme they ultimately chose had a more sea shanty feel and fit the vibe of the show better.

Before Party Of Five settled on Closer to Free, they experimented with other theme songs. Hold My Hand by Hootie and The Blowfish and this one by Shawn Colvin

I have to admit I like Shawn Colvin's opening better. Closer To Free sounded way too upbeat for a show that was primarily a drama. While this didn't get chosen as the official theme, it did make it onto the official track.

Can you imagine Friends without it's infamous theme song? Well, imagine no longer. Originally titled Friends Like Us, the show used REM's Shiny Happy People as their opening.

I like the song but not as a television show theme. The editing was awful especially at the 8 sec mark. These opening credits have an out of place Bohemian vibe that didn't jibe with the rest of the show.

Like I said, opening credits are a calling card and luckily for these show's creators they made some good choices.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Dustin Diamond: Behind The Bell

To describe this cover, I'm going to borrow a word that Dustin Diamond seems to love, douchenozzle. It looks like the cast of Saved By The Bell is desperately trying to escape the book and I don't blame them. This book is less expose and more the rantings of an actor that never quite fit in.

Dustin Diamond hasn't been relevant in years. He's broke. He's one of the only people to have a sex tape and have it not boost his career. Despite this, he is still egotistical and believes that he is a God. According to him, he's got a big penis and all the ladies want him. Even though he's cashing in on being Screech, he wants you to know that he isn't Screech. Hence from now on I will refer to him as such.

Behind the scenes at Saved By The Bell, sex was in the air. According to Screech, everybody did everybody, except for him. At one point, Tiffani Amber Thiessen is alleged to have been banging both Mario Lopez and Mark Gosslear under her boyfriend's nose. Mario Lopez is alleged to have raped some gal but NBC allegedly paid her off.

Did anyone see the E! True Hollywood Story on the show? It was boring even the sleaziest of shows couldn't dredge up anything negative about the cast. In this day and age, we supposed to believe that none of this ever came to light until Screech's sob story, I mean, err tell all.

And with sex comes drugs, Screech insists that he smelled crack coming out of Tiffani's dressing room. And that Mark did steroids. He demands that you watch Saved By The Bell: The College Years for proof. Apparently teen actors in the '80s also smoked joints and drank. Shocking I know. He's judgmental of his cast mates but is quick to tell you that he smokes pot too.

While Screech is quick to expose the sex life of his cast mates, he is strangely mute about his. The only name he named was Linda Mancuso, an NBC executive. Linda Mancuso died a few years ago so she can not speak for herself. Other shocking revelations Fred Savage was snobby when he was 8 and Neil Patrick Harris is gay. I for one am stunned.

For all I know, this book could be true. Or it could be all delusions from the bitter mind of a failed television star. All I know is that it is poorly written, contradictory, and boring. There are many inaccuracies and at one point a paragraph was repeated twice. It's called an editor, Dustin, they are pretty useful. So are therapists.

All this book really exposes is that Dustin Diamond has nothing to really call his own, so he has to use other people's "secrets" to make him fell worthwhile. That is what turns this tell all into a tragedy.

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Pregnancy Pact

  • Stage 1: Charm everybody as an adorable moppet in Hocus Pocus
  • Stage 2: Star in the most awesome movie of all time, Now and Then.
  • Stage 3: Shed your teen actress status and your top in American Beauty
  • Stage 4: Star in Homeless To Harvard, one of the few good Lifetime movies
  • Stage 5: Give up and take whatever role that falls into your lap, like The Pregnancy Pact
These my friends are the 5 stages of Thora Birch's career. Pregnancy Pact was awful, those films that you saw in health class was more informative and entertaining. Especially since the plot of the movie is based on a story that many people claim was a myth.

A sudden spike in teen pregnancies begins in the economically depressed town of Glouchester, MA. We learn rather quickly that these pregnancies are due to a supposed pact between some delusional girls. The girls see pregnancy as a rosy world of dress up where the diapers are never soiled and the babies never cry.

The only hold out is Sara, who is in a serious relationship with Jessie. Jessie is unlike most teen boys because he has already decided he wants to marry her. She is super excited and already picking out the wedding china. However, Jessie wants them to graduate college before walking down the aisle. Sara jumps on the baby train to ensure that Jessie stays with her.

The whole debacle attracts the attention of a video blogger named Sydney who used to live in that town. A video blogger?! Why not make her a psycologist, a reporter, or even a sleazy talk show host? Dammit, Lifetime, you are not even trying.

Sydney seems anti-pregnancy and harasses the pregnant girls at every opportunity. But wait a tic, she was a pregnant teen who got an abortion. And her former baby daddy is also a vice principal at the school, so there are many awkward attempts to interview him while reminiscing about the bad old days.

She eventually admits that she didn't get an abortion, she lied and really gave the kid up for adoption. She is instantly forgiven because forging documents, lying, and keeping a father away from his kid is alright as long as she did not get an abortion. It's a freaking movie about teen girls deliberately getting pregnant and abortion is still a taboo subject.

There is a boring subplot about Sara's mom battling the school nurse over whether or not birth control should be in schools. A mute point and a boring one if you ask me. Poor Nancy Travis and Camryn Manheim, they deserved way better.

Sara's role in the pact is revealed and her boyfriend hightails it out of there. After all, Sara is a bad, bad, girl and Jessie is the poor victim. Last time I checked it took two people to get pregnant, the movie should have addressed that. In the end, Sara has the baby and the world is all rosy. Her parents totally got her back and she has what she always wanted a baby to love her. Jessie of course has nothing to do with the baby's life because he was a victim and this is Lifetime.

As always these things end with an informative PSA about teen pregnancy. Warning not for the squeamish, easily offended, eating lunch, and possibly NSFW.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Lovely Bones: The Movie

Warning, mild spoilers for the book.

I was hesitant to watch this film as The Lovely Bones is one of my favorite books. But color me impressed I loved it. It was good, honest, adaption with great special effects.

I am glad Peter Jackson chose relative unknowns for the roles of Susie, Ruth, Lindsay, and Ray. It made the film feel more realistic than it would've been had some teen idol had been cast. I wasn't too impressed with casting Rachel Weisz and Mark Wahlberg as Susie's parents, they acted well they just didn't seem to fit in.

The actress who really stole the movie was Susan Sarandon, as Susie's boozing, fun-loving grandmother. Her role was expanded from what was in the book and simply made the movie. Stanley Tucci did well as Susie's killer, but without the back story provided in the book, he became just another psycho.

Peter Jackson stays mostly true to the book. However, in order to condense it into a movie certain plot points were dropped such as Susie's mother's affair and her friendship with Ray's mother. The characters of Ray and Ruth were diminished as well as Lindsay's relationship with her boyfriend, Samuel. This is kind of a bummer considering the large impact these characters had in the novel.

Even the changes that Peter Jackson did for the story such as Holly's true identity and the expanded character of Susie's grandmother worked for the film. Rarely do changes in the plot do that and it only enhances the charm of the film.

If you liked the book, you'll like the movie. Peter Jackson did a phenomenal job bringing the story to life.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Wes Craven's Flowers In The Attic

No, this is not a parody. Apparently Wes Craven wrote a script for the movie but was ultimately rejected. I am only reviewing this script, if you wanna read the whole thing, it can be found on the Complete V.C. Andrews site. I thank the site owner for making this available and recommend that any V.C. Andrews visit the site, it's awesome.

For the most part, Craven stays true to the novel. He uses large chunks of the book's dialogue and the characters are dead on. However inexplicably, John Amos Jackson is replaced by a character named Doberman. Doberman is mostly mute, all he does is grunt and let out "ungodly shrieks".

In my opinion there were way too many references to bodily functions. Unless body humor is the sole purpose of your film then it's really not necessary. Do not read this while eating. This script moves pretty quick, the poisoned doughnuts show up a mere couple of days after the children get there.

Wes Craven does make some minor changes. Chris is brutally attacked by a guard dog when they first get to the house. Instead of allowing the children to view the Christmas party, Corrine merely forgets to lock the door.

The script gets a little silly at this point. Cathy and Chris hide out in a mesh chest, watching the party like in the novel. But they manage to steal champagne from a couple of guests. Chris dons a wig and some old clothes so he can check out the house. The servants assume that he is just another guest.

Chris gets caught by his mother and runs off with her and Doberman in hot pursuit. Corrine is a major bitch in this scene. She actually refers to Chris as a little bastard. Doberman catches Chris and almost slits his throat, but the grandmother stops him. Which is out of character for a woman who is supposed to want the children to vanish.

Unlike the movie that actually got made, Craven includes Cathy's discovery of the sex book and her kissing a sleeping Bart. Instead of Chris raping Cathy, the sex is actually consensual which I thought would have worked better for the story. I didn't like in the novel how she instantly forgave him for the rape and never showed any anger over it.

The ending is really fast paced, the discovery of the poison, Cory's death, and Corrine's wedding happen almost simultaneously. Cathy winds up on the roof with Carrie, running from Doberman who is intent on killing them. Chris having learned about the poisoning from a strangely knowledgeable servant crashes the wedding.

Cathy manages to kill Doberman and they both announce to the entire wedding party who they are and what their mother did to them. Bart turns his back on her and the kids live happily ever after.

In my opinion, a decent script. Much better than the script that they ultimately chose. I hated the fact that they cut out the whole relationship between Chris and Cathy. That was a main part of the book and the studio chose to cut it out to avoid controversy.

This wasn't the only way that the studio screwed the film, the accidental death of the mother was a last minute addition to the film. The director actually refused to shoot the scene and eventually someone else did. Killing Corrine was a dumb move as the character plays an integral part in the next two novels of the series. They basically killed all hopes of a sequel in a single move.

If they had just chosen a better script or told the studio to shove it, the film might have been better.

Friday, January 15, 2010

10 Things I Loved About The '80s

10. Freddy Krueger: Yes I was that kid. The kid whose father let his 7 year old daughter watch A Nightmare On Elm Street on VHS. Sure I slept with the lights on that night but I became a girl obsessed. I subscribed to Fangoria magazine, I watched the television series, had his posters on my wall, and was at the theater every time a new film came out. If it involved Freddy, I had to be involved.

9 Electric Youth Perfume: I love this perfume, it was the very first perfume I had ever owned. I thought the lightning bolt in the center was just the coolest thing ever. As soon as one ran out or was accidentally lost, I would beg my father to take me to the store so I could replace it.

8. Fred Savage: You are looking at my first celebrity crush here. My room at one time was equally dominated by posters of my two favorite Freds, Kruger and Savage. My crush was so severe that I even sat through films like Little Monsters and The Wizard just to see him. I never missed an episode of The Wonder Years. I even developed a crush on a kid in my class simply because he looked just like him.

7. Tiffany: Tiffany was the first singer that I had ever gotten into by myself. All the other music I listened to were courtesy of my parents. I would play her first album at least three or four times a day. My father who was a heavy metal/classic rock fan made the ultimate sacrifice and took me to see her at Six Flags in '87. I had never been to a concert before and had no concept of the term opening act. I pouted during the entire opening set waiting for my idol to appear. The opening band was New Kids On The Block.

6. MTV: Remember when MTV would just play hours upon hours of music videos. You had the privilege of seeing your favorite artists anytime you wanted to. Even the television shows like Headbanger's Ball and Yo! MTV Raps were music video oriented. That's before MTV became a pseudo-reality network dedicated to spoiled rotten teens.

5. Sweet Valley High: Between the ages of 9 and 13, I worshiped these books. I even went so far as to buy the board game (which was boring.) On our weekly visits to the local used bookstore, I would pore through the shelves praying to find ones I didn't already have. True excitement was going to the grocery store and seeing a new one on the racks. My dad was always annoyed that I would finish the book the very same day that he got it for me. Strangely enough the book never made me want to blond haired and blue-eyed, but it did make me wanna have dimples in the worst way.

4. Plastic Charm Necklaces: Believe these bright and clunky things were the must have accessories in my elementary school. Our teacher went so far as to use them as prizes during spelling and math bees. Even though I already had bunch of them, I was still jealous of any girl who had a charm that I didn't have. Particular favorites were an abacus, a baby bottle, and a record.

3. Nintendo: I wasn't one of the lucky kids to have a Nintendo at my house. However, I had friends who did. Many hours were spent parked in front of the television playing Mario or Donkey Kong. My babysitters would park me in front of their Nintendo in exchange for a few hours of privacy. I finally got a Nintendo in '93 when the original console was considered obsolete. Obsolete or not, I still got a kick out of playing it.

2. Cabbage Patch Kids: Forget Tickle Me Elmo, the demand for Cabbage Patch kids were way more insane. My dad braved the Christmas crowds in search of a brown eyed brown haired doll for my very own. Instead he got a me a blond haired blue eyed one and told me I should be grateful to have gotten that. I treasured that doll and kept with me for many many years. Once it stopped being interesting as a toy, it became a nostalgic artifact.

1. Madonna: I confess that I was a junior Madonna wannabe. Blame my babysitter who owned Like A Virgin and played it constantly. I begged for my own copy which I received as a birthday gift and I was hooked. She was the continuing soundtrack to my '80s childhood. My mother worked at a video store and managed to score me a cardboard cutout from Shanghai Surprise. I even lucked out and got to see her live during her Blond Ambition tour. To this day I'm still a fan.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Cradle Of Conspiracy

Unlike a lot of teen actresses in the late '90s, Danica McKellar pretty much avoided the Lifetime movie craze. So finding this one is a real treat.

Danica plays Kristin, a perfect Lifetime target. Smart, kind, bright future, she's just asking for something bad to happen to her. However the only problems she has right now are her parents who expect nothing but the best from her.

Seriously what the hell where we thinking in the '90s? I see Danica rocking the boxy denim jacket and high waisted shorts and chuckle. Then I realize that back then, people honestly believed that was a good look.

Kristin and a friend are almost run over by Kenny, who wears a leather jacket because obviously he's a bad guy. As an apology, he offers the girls a ride in his car. Kristin declines because good girls don't get into cars with strange men.

Kenny eventually wins Kristen over with promises of Hollywood and milkshakes. Kristin's fledgling relationship with Kenny concerns her mother. On their first date, Kenny takes the obviously underage Kristin to a bar. He bribes a bartender into serving them.

Kristin takes about 3 sips of beer, but that is enough to make her lose a big track meet. Is this the same super beer that made Zach Morris hit a tree after only one beer? Her mother is angry and forbids Kristin from seeing Kenny. She promptly goes to his place and loses her virginity.

Almost instantly, she gets pregnant. I guess drinking superbeer gives you super sperm. She tries to tell her mother but chickens out. She runs away with Kenny who is starting to up his creep factor a little bit. As her parents frantically look for her, Kenny takes her to an uber posh home for unwed mothers.

Kristin becomes friends with another pregnant girl, Donna (played by Melrose Place's Jamie Luner). Donna is a baby making machine who's in the middle of her third pregnancy. Literally, she's a baby making machine, the hotel pays her to be artificially inseminated and to hand over the babies to them.

Kristin's parents investigate Kenny's trailer and wind up at a house he was nearly arrested at. They meet another teen girl that was impregnated by Kenny. Super sperm, don't leave home without it. The parents begin to blame one another for Kristin's disappearance.

Kristin begins having doubts about Kenny and the hotel. Kristin's mom learns that her daughter is pregnant. Without even trying, they immediately locate the hotel via a newspaper ad. The hotel gives them the runaround so they contact a lawyer. She tells them that they need to get to her before she turns 18 and they lose all legal control over her.

Kenny convinces Kristin to call her parents and tell them to leave her alone. Another teen mother, Pam, wants to leave the hotel with her twin babies. She gives birth and is told that they both died, she tells Kristin that the hotel is lying. Kristin learns later on that she committed suicide.

As Kenny is fleeing the hotel with Kristin, the cops finally show up. Kenny is arrested for taking a minor across state lines. Kristin is reunited with her parents but continues to believe that Kenny's innocent. This girl needs a sharp blow to the head with a clue by 4.

Kristin's mom takes her to see Sarah, Kenny's other baby mama and learns that he tried to sell her baby as well. Kristin gives birth but wants to put it up for adoption. Her parents plead with her to keep it. Yeah, keep the constant reminder that the man you love used you as a prenatal ATM.

Kenny is released and is seen spying on Kristin and her family. Kristin's mom confesses that she was pregnant at 16 and had to give the baby up. This leads Kristen to bond with her baby. Kenny shows up and pleads with Kristin to let him hold the baby. When the dim bulb allows him to, he knocks her over with a bitch slap and takes off with the kid.

He's promptly arrested but they can't bust him for kidnapping since he is the baby's father. Why are all the cops in Lifetime movies so useless? Kristin visits him in jail and trades him her grandmother's expensive ring in return for signing away his parental rights.

After all he goes through to get that baby, he just gives it up for a ring. Jeez, most Lifetime villains would have fought to the death to get what they want?

Friday, January 8, 2010

Jennifer's Body

So I finally broke down and rented Jennifer's Body and it wasn't as terrible as I expected. For the most part, the movie delivered what it promised cheesy horror, comedy and the obligatory T&A.

I liked most of the cast Kyle Gallner is always a pleasure to watch and I adore Amanda Seyfried. Adam Brody was hysterical and I almost wished he could have had a bigger role in the film. The problem is naturally Megan Fox, she's pretty but simply cannot emote on the silver screen. Her portrayal of Jennifer was just boring, the lights are on but nobody's home I can only imagine how much better the film would have been had they cast someone else.

The things that really bothered me about the film was the slang. It seemed almost forced like Diablo Cody is desperate to invent a new language. It reminds me of that line from Mean Girls "Stop trying to make Fetch happen, it will never happen." Slang in a film is fine as long as it is someone natural. Movies like Clueless and Wayne's World managed to achieve that without sinking the film.

The soundtrack was awesome. I love Little Boots and Florence and The Machine and their music did make the film more enjoyable to watch. Even Hole contributes Violet for the soundtrack. Thank goodness they didn't use the actual song, Jennifer's Body. It wouldn't have fit in with the film and would have just been cheesy.

Don't get me wrong, despite the concerns I have listed above, Jennifer's Body is still a fun film. There's some great kill scenes for the horror fan, good one liners for the comedy fans, and a little smut thrown in for fun.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Eye Of The Storm

By this point in the story, Rain has returned home from London after her grandmother's death. In typical V.C. Andrews fashion, she lives in the lap of luxury but is so utterly alone. Her only companion is a horse with no name and it felt good to be out of the rain. Actually the horse's name is also Rain, a gift from her chauffeur and only friend, Jake.

Chapter One is titled Jake's Secret. The secret being that he and Grandmother Hudson were lovers and that Aunt Victoria is his child. Great a confession from one boring character involving an even more boring character. Why bother in the first place?

Corbette, Rain's love interest from the first novel pays her a visit. He apologizes for seducing, then dumping her and wants a second chance. Rain soon realizes that he's only there because she is rich. In a funny scene, she convinces him that she is poor and is working as a maid in the mansion. He disappears as quickly as he came.

Her mother, stepfather, and Aunt Victoria confront Rain. They waste an entire chapter trying to convince Rain to take a settlement and forfeit her inheritance. Or face a lengthy court battle. Later, Rain receives a call from Roy who is in jail for going AWOL to visit Rain. After a life changing horseback ride, she decides to fight Victoria

She later has a quiet dinner with her half-brother Brody. Even though he's her brother and she knows he wants her, she makes a point of putting on some lipstick. Brody gets increasingly drunk and refuses to leave. Rain calls her mother in an attempt to get him to go.

Later, a drunk Brody tries to force himself on her. Rather than tell him the truth and get it over with, Rain stupidly continues to keep her mother's secret. A hurt Brody drives off into the night. Brody dies in a car accident. Rain collapses in a fetal position in the bathroom and is of course rescued by Jake.

Aunt Victoria forces Rain to go to the funeral but not as a part of the family. Her devastated mother tells her that she is evil. Anybody who reads this boring book would be inclined to agree. Rain's biological father writes her a moving letter telling her that he wants her in his life. Do they not have phones in this stinking book?

Since the author felt that Rain hasn't suffered enough, he throws in a horse riding accident and paralyzes her. Why couldn't the horse have just finished her off and freed me from this awful book? Luckily she gets a visit from a heroic paraplegic doctor who tells her that she can still live a full and productive life. She could invent a new wheelchair rugby game called don't feel sorry for us ball.

Victoria takes over and gives her a typical Nurse Ratchett to boss her around. Rain is so very sad and afraid. Here's where a normal character decides to take charge of her life and make some changes. Rain however will cry and feel sorry for herself like she does in every book so far.

Fate comes in the form of Austin, the studly physical therapist who Rain instantly likes. There is more of the same old same old. Victoria is mean, Jake is supportive, Rain cries, and her father continues to support the U.S. postal service with his sappy letters. Oh, and Mommie Dearest tries to overdose on pills. Rain learns Roy tried to go AWOL again to see her. Roy is a moron but so is most everyone in this book.

Austin starts a special kind therapy with Rain involving his penis. I'm surprised she didn't instantly walk again after their night of passion. Jake dies, Victoria's mean, Austin's supportive and Rain cries some more. Rain finally tells Victoria who her father really was. Victoria threatens to make her life even more of a living Hell than it already was.

Victoria manages to get Austin fired and moves on in. She takes a cue from Tony Tatterton and makes Rain a prisoner in her own mansion. Austin assures her that he will rescue her. As they are hooking up, Aunt Victoria busts in and accuses Austin of rape. She throws him out and insists that Rain sign a power of attorney form.

Rain tries to escape but finds her wheelchair ramp is missing. She attempts to crawl away but is found by Victoria. She is forced to have dinner with Victoria who has descended further into madness. She has put on make up and according to Rain it's caked on, clownish, and artificial. I imagine Victoria to look something like this.
Rain attempts to sneak into Grandmother Hudson's room in order to find a phone. Instead she finds a mannequin in a wig that Victoria believes to be her mother. She realizes that she is pregnant and begs Victoria to let her out. Austin shows up to see Rain but is told that she moved to London.

Victoria decides to give Rain a bath and finally Rain gets the nerve to fight back. In the struggle Victoria is killed. Austin arrives on his white horse and whisks Rain off to the hospital. Everything is wonderful, Rain's mother forgives her. Austin is over the moon about the pregnancy and she marries in a fairytale wedding.

Rain has a girl named Summer. Roy is released from jail and moves in with Rain and Austin. I get the vision of Roy peeking at Rain through a hole in the shower every chance he gets. During the book, he wistfully claims that Summer could've been their baby. This is not a stable man.

And they all lived happily ever after. Never mind there's one more book in this series. Bring on the pain.

Bad Roommate Saga Part 1

Lately I have discovered a site called My Very Worst Roommate. It is an awesome site full of jaw dropping stories of bad roommate behavior. This got me reminiscing about my extensive history with bad roommates.

In the beginning there was "Trey." I was living in Seattle in a one room apartment. My job cut my hours and there were few job openings at the time. Trey needed a place to stay and we got along well. I got the bed, he slept on a futon on the floor.

At first Trey was awesome, the platonic boyfriend I'd always dreamed of. He was hardworking, cleaned up after himself, and was very considerate of the ground rules I set for him. But soon, Trey found himself a very non-platonic girlfriend.

His girlfriend was helpless. She relied on Trey to take care of everything in her life and Trey was more than happy to be her savior. Trey began calling in sick to work in order to spend the day with her. He would call me out of the blue and demand that I leave the room at once so they could fool around. After a long night of work, I came home to find them cuddled up in my bed fast asleep. When I woke them, they acted like nothing was wrong with that scenario.

The final straw came a couple of weeks later when I came home to find the room littered with boxes. I assumed that Trey was moving out since his girlfriend was moving out of her parents' house and into her own place. Then I realized that the stuff wasn't Trey's, it was his girlfriend's. Her place had fallen through and Trey moved her in lock, stock, and barrel without even telling me. My name was only one on the rental agreement.

I left a very angry message on his voice mail and he called back to tell me he was moving out over the weekend. He was angry at me because I was so "selfish" and "unsympathetic to his girlfriend's needs". What did he expect me to do? Move out but continue to pay the rent? Buy them a new place to live? Neither of them had a lot of money and there was no way I was going to take care of them. And if I knew that if I let her stay there, she would never leave.

After he moved out, I would on occasion get drunken calls from him. He would swear that he left various expensive items behind when he moved. He would tell me that if I couldn't return those items, then I'd better pay for them. Oh, I heard through the grapevine that his girlfriend dumped him when he lost his job.