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Monday, January 25, 2010

The Pregnancy Pact

  • Stage 1: Charm everybody as an adorable moppet in Hocus Pocus
  • Stage 2: Star in the most awesome movie of all time, Now and Then.
  • Stage 3: Shed your teen actress status and your top in American Beauty
  • Stage 4: Star in Homeless To Harvard, one of the few good Lifetime movies
  • Stage 5: Give up and take whatever role that falls into your lap, like The Pregnancy Pact
These my friends are the 5 stages of Thora Birch's career. Pregnancy Pact was awful, those films that you saw in health class was more informative and entertaining. Especially since the plot of the movie is based on a story that many people claim was a myth.

A sudden spike in teen pregnancies begins in the economically depressed town of Glouchester, MA. We learn rather quickly that these pregnancies are due to a supposed pact between some delusional girls. The girls see pregnancy as a rosy world of dress up where the diapers are never soiled and the babies never cry.

The only hold out is Sara, who is in a serious relationship with Jessie. Jessie is unlike most teen boys because he has already decided he wants to marry her. She is super excited and already picking out the wedding china. However, Jessie wants them to graduate college before walking down the aisle. Sara jumps on the baby train to ensure that Jessie stays with her.

The whole debacle attracts the attention of a video blogger named Sydney who used to live in that town. A video blogger?! Why not make her a psycologist, a reporter, or even a sleazy talk show host? Dammit, Lifetime, you are not even trying.

Sydney seems anti-pregnancy and harasses the pregnant girls at every opportunity. But wait a tic, she was a pregnant teen who got an abortion. And her former baby daddy is also a vice principal at the school, so there are many awkward attempts to interview him while reminiscing about the bad old days.

She eventually admits that she didn't get an abortion, she lied and really gave the kid up for adoption. She is instantly forgiven because forging documents, lying, and keeping a father away from his kid is alright as long as she did not get an abortion. It's a freaking movie about teen girls deliberately getting pregnant and abortion is still a taboo subject.

There is a boring subplot about Sara's mom battling the school nurse over whether or not birth control should be in schools. A mute point and a boring one if you ask me. Poor Nancy Travis and Camryn Manheim, they deserved way better.

Sara's role in the pact is revealed and her boyfriend hightails it out of there. After all, Sara is a bad, bad, girl and Jessie is the poor victim. Last time I checked it took two people to get pregnant, the movie should have addressed that. In the end, Sara has the baby and the world is all rosy. Her parents totally got her back and she has what she always wanted a baby to love her. Jessie of course has nothing to do with the baby's life because he was a victim and this is Lifetime.

As always these things end with an informative PSA about teen pregnancy. Warning not for the squeamish, easily offended, eating lunch, and possibly NSFW.