A look at the seedy and sometimes geeky underworld of cinema
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Danielle Steel's Remembrance
So I attempted to review the miniseries of Danielle Steel's Remembrance. Unfortunately the film was so dull that I just couldn't get through it. I did however find the copy of the book at a thrift store and hilarity ensued.
It's books like this one that makes it hard for me to admit that I like some Danielle Steel novels. The movie centers on the blond haired, green eyed, Italian goddess Serena. Yes, no brown haired, brown eyed Italians would do in Steel's world.
Serena is a Princess forced to flee Italy and live in the States during Mussolini's reign. Why, you ask? Because apparently, Serena is so beautiful that she will likely be raped by soldiers any minute.
After the war is over, Serena returns to Italy and learns that her beloved grandmother has died. Are you aware that Serena is totally gorgeous? If you forgot, the author is quick to remind you a hundred times. Serena moves in with her grandmothers' maid and becomes a maid as well. Which is supposedly a horrible thing because she's so gosh darn beautiful.
She meets John Stamos at an airport and he tells her that she's pretty. Not really, she meets an equally good looking soldier named B.J. He is so instantly in love with her that he dumps his fiancee and begs her to marry him. But she won't, she's only a poor princess who would destroy his life.
B.J. eventually is relocated to Paris and a heartbroken Serena wastes away to practically nothing. Of course, he sweeps her off her little Italian feet and eventually the two wed and learn that she is pregnant. They have a beautiful daughter, obviously.
B.J's family hates her but that's okay because she is so beautiful. She is widowed but her brother in law, Teddy, watches out for her because she is so beautiful. She has no career skills but becomes a model because she's so.....Hey when did blood start trickling out my ears?
Moving on, Serena meets a Greek god named Vaseline or Vagisal or something like that. Anyway, she and Vag Cream fall in love and get married and have another beautiful daughter. Vag Cream turns out to be a horrible drug addict who kills Serena.
Serena's eldest daughter, Vanessa, witnesses the murder and goes into shock. The other daughter, Charlotte is spirited away by Vag Cream's brother. Vanessa completely blocks out the fact that she ever had a sister. B.J's family suddenly takes an interest in Vanessa and a custody trial ensues. Luckily, good old Uncle Teddy gets her and is the best father he can be.
The movie ends on this note, which is the only good thing about it. The books however keeps going and going. Vanessa grows up to be...you guessed it beautiful. But the trauma of her mother's death keeps her from committing to her boyfriend.
Teddy marries some gal and they have a baby. The very second Vanessa holds the tyke, memories of her sister come flooding back and she must find her. She goes to Greece, where Charlotte is conveniently on a trip. But Vag Cream's brother is there to welcome her with open arms.
Danielle Steel has a strange common theme in some of her books. The main heroine is traumatized and unable to commit to a man who loves her. She then indulges in hot, sweaty, affair with some wonderful guy who cannot have a future with her. This gives her the courage to then commit to the nice guy waiting in the wings.
In Vanessa's case the temp guy is none other than Vag Cream's brother. He also has cancer and begs Vanessa to take Charlie with her. Yes, stick your foster daughter with someone she barely knows. Deprive her of having any kind of closure in her foster father's death. But who cares if she gets traumatized? There will be some guy in the wings waiting to boink some sense into her.