Starship Troopers 3: Marauder

Well my only excuse for watching was that it was on Pay Per View and there was nothing else better. It's been seven years since the events of the first film and things have gotten worse. The bugs have adapted and have since spawned new and different bugs for the Federation to fight.

There's no real plot to this film, just the typical bug deaths, obligatory group nude scene, and of course Casper Van Dien hamming it up for the camera. There's a subplot about how the government is executing war protesters and how religion is banned. Of course the underlying theme of this all is that religion is good.

The film also stars Enterprise's Jolene Blalock playing the latest eye candy and looking like she could be Angelina Jolie's long lost twin. The movie was worth it because I had never seen this actress out of her Vulcan make-up.

Former Charmed killer er I mean actress Marnie Patterson plays an irritatingly religious and hopeful flight attendant. (Yes for some reason flight attendants are allowed to go on dangerous missions with soldiers. Her character is one note and wooden and hardly worth the storyline that was written for. The film also wastes the talents of Boris Kidjoe and Danny Keough.

This film couldn't even hold up to the loose standards set up by Starship Troopers 1. While ST1 was not the best film at least it was a good guilty pleasure film. ST3 could've have gone that route and been okay but chose to litter the movie with deep and meaningful plots that made the movie basically a snore.

Simply put don't bother, rent the first one or the animated series on DVD if you want to get a Starship Troopers fix

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is the saddest, most incoherant, most blatant rip-off of a film that I have ever seen. And that's saying a lot, I've seen Troll 2. In fact that is so bad that I am going to break my rules and spoil the ending. Because if I can stop one person from wasting time with this I'll have made a difference.

In a small Colorado town, some teens decide to play a little joke on the 4th Of July. Unfortunately the joke goes awry and one of their friends winds up dead. The teens immediately make a pact not to reveal their roles in his death and go their separate ways. Sound familiar? Oh yeah it's the freaking plot as I Know What You Did Last Summer only less interesting.

Fast forward time, main heroine feels guilty, people die, everyone's a suspect yadda yadda yadda. Then we finally find out who the killer is. Ben Willis, yes that Ben Willis, our favorite hook-wielding fisherman from the first two installments. What's this film have to do with him? Absolutely nothing.

See now Ben is an evil vengeful spirit whose main hobby is killing teenagers who have covered up their roles in murders. Come on, we could not even get a vague little connection to the previous films. Like the kid who died was Ben's other unknown son. Or how about the heroine was the daughter of the survivors of the film. They could have easily hired actors who look like older versions of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. Or have them killed off and pay the actors to allow them to show a photo or something.

Not that making sense of the plot would've helped the film any but it certainly would've been less annoying. Avoid at all costs.

The only interesting thing about this film is that Torrey Devito who played Hot Creepy Nanny Carrie on One Tree Hill stars as one of the teens. And did I mention avoid at all costs?

Lost Boys 2: The Tribe

As a horror fan I should hate this movie. As an '80s movie fan I should hate this film. As a Lost Boys fan...you get the point. But I am also a lover of cheesy horror films that don't take themselves seriously and Lost Boys 2 is just that.

The film picks up an indeterminate amount of years after the first film. Former surf champ Chris Emerson and his teenage sister Nicole (Autumn Reeser) move to Luna Beach after the death of their parents. Chris meets Shane (played by the extremely luscious Angus Sutherland) another surf champ who dropped out of sight. Shane sets his sights on Nicole and begins to seduce her into his vampire coven. Chris teams up with vampire hunter and board shaper Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman reprising his role from the first movie) and goes to the brink in order to save her.

The film has some good and some bad points. The good: Corey Feldman is awesome to watch in this film, and eerily enough looks almost exactly how he looked in the first film. The story is engaging enough and Angus Sutherland literally steals the film. Kudos for bringing back Gerald McCann's Cry Little Sister as well. It's a wonderful song and makes more sense in a film about a brother trying to save his sister.

The bad: While viewers do find out what happened to Edgar's brother Alan and Sam Emerson there is no word on what happened to the rest of the Emerson clan or Star and Laddie for that matter. The film's official website claims that Chris and Nicole are cousins of the Emersons but this is never mentioned in the movies. The movie relied a little too much on sex scenes and a ran way to long police chase scene that simply weren't necessary for the film. Also unnecessary was the character of Chris and Nicole scatter-brained aunt who is pretty much a one note joke that wears thin very quickly.

If they really wanted a weird family member why not have their aunt be the mom from the first film Lucy. It'd be fun to have her essentially play the same role that her on screen dad played in the first film. The seemingly clueless character who knows more than she lets on.

Lost Boys 2 would have done better as a stand alone film. It's a decent story with a great cast. Corey Feldman is a welcome return and we even get blessed with a cameo by Tom Savini who is all kinds of awesome. This is definitely a film to veg out to.

American Psycho 2: All American Girl

I used to like Mila Kunis but now that I've seen this film I flat out adore her. This film follows the character of Rachel Newman. Rachel at the tender age of 12 is kidnapped along with her unfortunate babysitter and held captive by Patrick Bateman. She manages to get free and kills Patrick never telling a soul she was there.

6 years later, Rachel is a college student who is intent on landing the coveted TA position under Prof. Robert Starkman (William Shatner). Almost everyone who gets the position goes to the FBI academy in Quantico which is Rachel's goal. However there are 3 other students who all have an edge to beat Rachel and Rachel hates to lose.

The film is cute and funny, Mila Kunis actually makes her character extremely likable despite the subject matter. The script is awesome filled with hysterical one liners and an ending you can't guess. This is especially great for me as I have a tendency to guess too many movie endings before the movie is half over. To find one that surprises me is a film to treasure.

If you have a dark sense of humor you'll love this film.

April Fool's Day

Normally I'd be all up in arms over another '80s classic horror film being revamped but luckily for this movie I barely remember the original. This enabled me to watch it with a fresher mind than I'll likely have when Terror Train and Prom Night's remakes emerge.

The movie by no means is the best horror film in the world but it doesn't suck either. The movie focuses on rich siblings Blaine and Desiree whose April Fools prank on Desiree's frenemy, Milan results in her accidental death.

A year later Blaine, Desiree, and four of their friends who were present at Milan's death start receiving warnings supposedly from Milan. The warnings insist that whoever was responsible for Milan's death must step forward or all the others will die.

The film is suspenseful and actually surprises the viewer with it's twists and turns. I not only couldn't predict the ending I enjoyed it immensely.

I also have to give it up for Rumer Scout Compton, when I saw her in Rob Zombie's Halloween remake I didn't like her. But her role in April Fools Day was cute and intriguing and I may now have to re watch Halloween to see if it's changed my view on her.

The film doesn't star anyone else I recognize but the actress who plays Desiree bears a startling resemblance to Buffy/Angel actress Charisma Carpenter.

Open Water 2: Adrift

This film had to be the worst rendition of a perfectly good movie idea that I have ever seen. 6 friends go out on a yacht and all end up diving into the water. Unfortunately for them none of these geniuses bothered to check if the ladder was down. Now all trapped in the water with an unattended baby on board they struggle to get back on.

The first bad thing about this film is not a single character is likable enough to root for. They overlook countless opportunities to get back on the boat. The in fighting is pointless and one character's death is so abrupt and confusing that you wonder if the script writers lost interest at one point and just started to wing it.

The ending was flat out the most vague and stupid ending I have ever seen. This is a movie that you should avoid at all costs.

The film stars Eric Dane, Cameron Mathison, and Susan May Pratt, three decent actors who deserved so much better.