Jessica Simpson: Blond and Ridiculous

The sad thing is that Jessica Simpson can act, she has a great sense of comedic timing. Given a strong supporting role and a decent cast, she could be wonderful. But these endless stream of ditz out-of-water films have got to stop.

Jessica Simpson plays Megan Valentine. An actress and singer with a string of bad films on her resume (Sound familiar). Of course, when her fairy tale life comes crashing down she hightails it to the army.

This film is strictly movie by numbers. She's the worst soldier ever. She gets her groove back and impresses everyone. Learns a larger lesson in life. Gets a hunky love interest. Need I say more? Even Simpson seems to have checked out during the film, she seems to be phoning it in waiting for the check to clear.

I was briefly in Air Force boot camp. I cannot speak for the Army Boot Camp but I assume the rules and regulations are the same. Privates do not get warm pep talks and pats on the head from their Drill Sergeants. Privates do not give attitude to Drill Sergeants and First Sergeants and have nothing happen to them. I understand that it's a fantasy movie but try a little harder for realism.

Simpson is not the only one suffering through this film. Cheri Oteri, Steve Guttenberg, and Vivica A. Fox also appear in the movie. Congratulations, Steve Miner, you've finally directed a movie worse than Friday The 13th Part 3. Bravo!

Dead Like Me: Life After Death

This film took a long time to get here but trust me it was worth the wait. Dead Like Me: Life After Death is every bit as funny and quirky as the series that spawned it.

Our merry band of reapers are stunned when their boss Rube finally crosses over. They are assigned to slick business man, Cameron Kane. Under Cameron's tutelage, the gang starts caring less about their destiny's and more about fulfilling their own pleasures.

George is the only one who tries to keep it together but eventually she reveals her identity to her little sister Reggie. As she tries to help Reggie, George realizes that you can't fight destiny, you can only accept it.

The film is just like an episode of the television series. They are great comedic moments, perfectly wrong scenes, and sweet emotional scenes that will make you tear up. Fans of the series will not be disappointed and this movie is guaranteed to attract new fans as well.

Jasmine Guy, Callum Blue, and Ellen Muth reprise their roles from the series. The character of Daisy is played by Sarah Wynter. The original portrayer of Daisy, Laura Harris, could not do the film due to contractual obligations.

The film also stars Lost's Henry Ian Cusick and Degrassi/90210 actress Shenae Grimes.

My Name Is Bruce

My Name Is Bruce is hands down one of the funniest films that I have seen in awhile. Bruce Campbell plays Bruce Campbell, a once respected B movie actor now living in D movie hell. He's single, obnoxious and constantly drunk.

When a young fan comes to beg for his help against evil demons haunting his town, Bruce believes that it's a new movie role. When he finds out that it is all too real, he has to make a choice, save the town or run like Hell.

First off, Bruce Campbell is just awesome. It takes humility and a sense of humor for someone to spoof his own self so perfectly. His sense of comedic timing is spot on and his one liners will have you rolling in the aisles. Actor Ted Raimi also appears in multiple and equally funny cameos.

If you are an Evil Dead fan, rent this film you will not be disappointed. There are a lot of inside jokes in the film that only a fan will get. However these inside jokes do not detract from the films, so it's a pleasant film for non fans as well.

Odd Girl Out

This is a film that really hit home for me. Back in my middle school days I was bullied. I recieved the nasty notes, the prank calls, and blows to my self-esteem all of it. But I feel blessed that this was before the internet was a common thing. Because cloaked in the anonymity of the internet is the potential to destroy someone.

Alexa Vega plays Vanessa, a kind and smart 8th grader who also in is in with the main clique in school. However catches the attention of the queen bee's crush and suddenly finds herself public enemy number one. She is soon subjected to hate sites and harassment online and in real life. Her best friend Stacy joins in the teasing, being nice to Vanessa one second and turning against her the next.

At first her mother does not take her seriously and passes it off as harmless fighting. But soon the harassment causes Vanessa to do something drastic and her mother vows to find a way to protect her daughter.

Odd Girl Out is well acted and thought provoking. The teenage characters come off as realistic and the dialogue rings true. This film proves just how dangerous the girls will be girls mentality that a lot of parent take on. After all look what happened to Megan Meier who experienced this type of behavior in real life.

I recommend that teenagers or anyone with a teenager watch this. It exposes just how harsh and damaging this behavior can be to the victim.

The movie also stars Lisa Vidal who might be better known as playing Sandy Lopez in the NBC drama ER.

Poison Ivy 4: The Secret Society

How can one go wrong with a Poison Ivy movie. It's simple add one child actress attempting to abandon her good girl image. Mix with smutty love scenes and a paint by numbers plot and voila cheesy B Grade goodness.

Poison Ivy 4 does not even meet those decidedly slow standards. It is hindered with an unsteady plot and long drawn out scenes that do not enhance the film at all.

The movie stars Degrassi's own Miriam McDonald as Daisy, a small town girl from Iowa who transfers to a prestigious East Coast college. She soon garners the attention of the Ivys, a secret society that virtually owns the school. The head of the society Azalea quickly inducts Daisy into the world of the Ivys. However Daisy soon learns that there is a darker undercurrent to the society.

This movie could have been B movie goodness but it is simply dull. It finally starts to perk up 15 minutes before it ends but it all seems rushed and last minute. Even Poison Ivy 2 looks better in comparison to this mess.

Update: The DVD is due out January 20th and it appears that like Normal Adolescent Behavior the film will feature nudity and more graphic love scenes. Honestly I don't understand the concept of releasing a film on cable where it is heavily edited and then release a DVD afterwards. Being straight to video didn't harm Poison Ivy 3 any and face it no one watches the Poison Ivy movies for it's plot.

Gracie's Choice

Gracie's Choice is a 2004 Lifetime movie starring Anne Heche and Kristen Bell. It was inspired by this 2000 Reader's Digest article.

Kristen Bell plays Gracie, a teenager forced to take care of her younger siblings as her mother neglects them in favor of drugs and ill-advised relationships. Gracie realizes that their mother's continual presence will ultimately separate her family, so she lobbies to become the legal guardian of her three younger brothers.

Kristen Bell is amazing as Gracie. She shows the right combination of vulnerability and determination as the plucky hero of this film. And Anne Heche is chilling as her drug-addled mother. She does such a great job that you will find yourself despising her and routing for Gracie to win.

This is definitely a film not to be missed. It's emotional, uplifting, and sometimes heart-breaking. There is never a really fake moment in the film and comes off as more of a documentary than a fictional film.

Dead Like Me: Life After Death

For those of you who have never heard of the show, Dead Like Me was an awesome little dramedy that aired for two seasons on Showtime. Despite it's near genius writing and great cast it was then canceled.

The plot of this show revolved around Georgia Lass (Ellen Muth) a college dropout who just started working at a temp agency. She dies when a toilet seat from a space station falls from the sky and hits her. She's not dead though but has been tapped to be a grim reaper. As she learns to adjust to her new "undead" lifestyle and tries to help her family who are falling apart.

The show also starred Laura Harris, Jasmine Guy, Mandy Pantinkan and for the first season Rebecca Gayheart.

And now a movie, it's straight to DVD. Mandy Pantinkan is not returning, he will be replaced by Henry Ian Cusick who Lost fans know as Desmond. Laura Harris is being replaced by Sarah Wynter who I hear is from 24. (Sorry I never watched the show).

Update: After months and months of waiting, a release date for the film has been set. It will be out on DVD February 17th.

Here's a teaser trailer for the film

Too Young To Marry

Too Young To Marry is a smart and honest view on the subject of teen marriage. The film centers around Max and Jessica who decide to get married before graduating high school. While Max's mother and Jessica's father disapprove, Jessica's mom is extremely supportive of the two.

Things begin to unravel as Jessica gets accepted into Harvard and Max doesn't. As Jessica becomes more immersed into her collegiate world, Max suffers through a construction job he hates and starts to grow bitter. The couple begin to wonder if they have made a mistake settling down so young.

I like the film because it isn't melodramatic and actually shows both character's flaws. They show how stereotypical some people's views on marriage are. There is no last minute perfectly gift wrapped ending for the couple. Also kudos for not going the obvious route and trying to toss in a teen pregnancy like a lot of teen marriage films do. It shows the girl maturely taking birth control and concentrating on her studies.

Nina Dobrev (who currently plays Mia on Degrassi) shines as Jessica. She brings warmth and believability to the role without turning her into a Mary Sue. The only thing in the film that really does not fit was the character of Jessica's younger sister. Her entire role consisted of showing up randomly, saying something snarky and then vanishing. That might be okay for a medicore sitcom but not a film like this.

Pulse 2: Afterlife

Americanizing a Japanese horror film can be a hit or miss situation. For every good film like The Ring you have to suffer through One Missed Call. Pulse in my humble opinion was a great film Kristen Bell and Ian Somerhelder were awesome and it was a nice way to pass time.

Pulse 2 however is an insult, a big middle finger pointed at the masses as they run off with your the money you squandered in order to watch it. The only word that can describe it would be unnecessary.

The plot basically centers around the restless spirit of a woman stalking her ex-husband and daughter. To punish the unfaithful ex, Mommy Deadest intends to take her daughter into the afterlife with her. The ex however plans to fight her at every turn.

Let's start with the "hero" of the film. He seems emotionally stunted at best. In one scene in a small cabin with his traumatized daughter in the next room, his current squeeze wants to fool around. Despite saying no, all it takes is five seconds of body heat before he's ready to toss her on a table and get busy. Let's further traumatize the already traumatized daughter.

Then there was the gore which was nauseating and had no place in the movie. Eye gouging, slain house pets, repulsive sex scenes, none of these enhanced the film and were obviously thrown in for shock value. And did I mention of the ghosts walks around nude, unnecessarily so.

There is some strange side character who swoops in, announces his plans to "end the madness" once and for all. Was he some forgotten character from the first film or a weak link to a Pulse 3 (please god no stop it). He has no point whatsoever which is sad because he was the only tolerable person in this mess.

The ending was abrupt, pointless, and confusing. Rather than defy the odds and create a sequel as good as it's predecessor. It was tossed together in a slapdash effort to score some quick cash. And with straight to DVD sequels becoming popular I see no end to inferior sequels in the near future.

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is the saddest, most incoherant, most blatant rip-off of a film that I have ever seen. And that's saying a lot, I've seen Troll 2. In fact that is so bad that I am going to break my rules and spoil the ending. Because if I can stop one person from wasting time with this I'll have made a difference.

In a small Colorado town, some teens decide to play a little joke on the 4th Of July. Unfortunately the joke goes awry and one of their friends winds up dead. The teens immediately make a pact not to reveal their roles in his death and go their separate ways. Sound familiar? Oh yeah it's the freaking plot as I Know What You Did Last Summer only less interesting.

Fast forward time, main heroine feels guilty, people die, everyone's a suspect yadda yadda yadda. Then we finally find out who the killer is. Ben Willis, yes that Ben Willis, our favorite hook-wielding fisherman from the first two installments. What's this film have to do with him? Absolutely nothing.

See now Ben is an evil vengeful spirit whose main hobby is killing teenagers who have covered up their roles in murders. Come on, we could not even get a vague little connection to the previous films. Like the kid who died was Ben's other unknown son. Or how about the heroine was the daughter of the survivors of the film. They could have easily hired actors who look like older versions of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Freddie Prinze Jr. Or have them killed off and pay the actors to allow them to show a photo or something.

Not that making sense of the plot would've helped the film any but it certainly would've been less annoying. Avoid at all costs.

The only interesting thing about this film is that Torrey Devito who played Hot Creepy Nanny Carrie on One Tree Hill stars as one of the teens. And did I mention avoid at all costs?

Lost Boys 2: The Tribe

As a horror fan I should hate this movie. As an '80s movie fan I should hate this film. As a Lost Boys fan...you get the point. But I am also a lover of cheesy horror films that don't take themselves seriously and Lost Boys 2 is just that.

The film picks up an indeterminate amount of years after the first film. Former surf champ Chris Emerson and his teenage sister Nicole (Autumn Reeser) move to Luna Beach after the death of their parents. Chris meets Shane (played by the extremely luscious Angus Sutherland) another surf champ who dropped out of sight. Shane sets his sights on Nicole and begins to seduce her into his vampire coven. Chris teams up with vampire hunter and board shaper Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman reprising his role from the first movie) and goes to the brink in order to save her.

The film has some good and some bad points. The good: Corey Feldman is awesome to watch in this film, and eerily enough looks almost exactly how he looked in the first film. The story is engaging enough and Angus Sutherland literally steals the film. Kudos for bringing back Gerald McCann's Cry Little Sister as well. It's a wonderful song and makes more sense in a film about a brother trying to save his sister.

The bad: While viewers do find out what happened to Edgar's brother Alan and Sam Emerson there is no word on what happened to the rest of the Emerson clan or Star and Laddie for that matter. The film's official website claims that Chris and Nicole are cousins of the Emersons but this is never mentioned in the movies. The movie relied a little too much on sex scenes and a ran way to long police chase scene that simply weren't necessary for the film. Also unnecessary was the character of Chris and Nicole scatter-brained aunt who is pretty much a one note joke that wears thin very quickly.

If they really wanted a weird family member why not have their aunt be the mom from the first film Lucy. It'd be fun to have her essentially play the same role that her on screen dad played in the first film. The seemingly clueless character who knows more than she lets on.

Lost Boys 2 would have done better as a stand alone film. It's a decent story with a great cast. Corey Feldman is a welcome return and we even get blessed with a cameo by Tom Savini who is all kinds of awesome. This is definitely a film to veg out to.

New Futurama Trailer

It looks fun I like the fact that it appears that Kip and Amy will hook up. There was virtually none of their relationship in Bender's Big Score. While the movies are fun I do hope Comedy Central gets off their duffs and does an actual season of the show. Fans cannot live on straight to DVD movies alone.

American Psycho 2: All American Girl

I used to like Mila Kunis but now that I've seen this film I flat out adore her. This film follows the character of Rachel Newman. Rachel at the tender age of 12 is kidnapped along with her unfortunate babysitter and held captive by Patrick Bateman. She manages to get free and kills Patrick never telling a soul she was there.

6 years later, Rachel is a college student who is intent on landing the coveted TA position under Prof. Robert Starkman (William Shatner). Almost everyone who gets the position goes to the FBI academy in Quantico which is Rachel's goal. However there are 3 other students who all have an edge to beat Rachel and Rachel hates to lose.

The film is cute and funny, Mila Kunis actually makes her character extremely likable despite the subject matter. The script is awesome filled with hysterical one liners and an ending you can't guess. This is especially great for me as I have a tendency to guess too many movie endings before the movie is half over. To find one that surprises me is a film to treasure.

If you have a dark sense of humor you'll love this film.

Day Of The Dead

I am using the teaser poster for this review. The DVD poster which basically looks like some guy vomiting up a zombie was too gross.

If you think this film is similar to the awesome 2004 remake of Dawn Of The Dead, think again. This film is more akin to some god awful made for Sci-Fi Channel tv movie.

The plot centers around Corporal Sarah Cross (a badly miscast Mena Suvari) who returns to her hometown during a zombie outbreak. After the entire town, including her mother fall ill to the virus, Sarah is desperate to find her younger brother before it's too late.

The film sadly is boring, the special effects are sub par, and despite the fact that the awesome Ving Rhames is portrayed as a major character in the trailers, he barely lasts 30 minutes in the film. The film bears no direct resemblance to the 1985 version. There is a female soldier as a lead character and a zombie who acts human and becomes an ally. That's about it.

And beware the ending which is a stupid zombie jumping out at the screen in the last frame. If it's not funny in those stupid Youtube videos, it's not funny on the silver screen. This marks the first time in a long time that I haven't enjoyed watching a zombie film, and I have seen some pretty Z grade ones.

April Fool's Day

Normally I'd be all up in arms over another '80s classic horror film being revamped but luckily for this movie I barely remember the original. This enabled me to watch it with a fresher mind than I'll likely have when Terror Train and Prom Night's remakes emerge.

The movie by no means is the best horror film in the world but it doesn't suck either. The movie focuses on rich siblings Blaine and Desiree whose April Fools prank on Desiree's frenemy, Milan results in her accidental death.

A year later Blaine, Desiree, and four of their friends who were present at Milan's death start receiving warnings supposedly from Milan. The warnings insist that whoever was responsible for Milan's death must step forward or all the others will die.

The film is suspenseful and actually surprises the viewer with it's twists and turns. I not only couldn't predict the ending I enjoyed it immensely.

I also have to give it up for Rumer Scout Compton, when I saw her in Rob Zombie's Halloween remake I didn't like her. But her role in April Fools Day was cute and intriguing and I may now have to re watch Halloween to see if it's changed my view on her.

The film doesn't star anyone else I recognize but the actress who plays Desiree bears a startling resemblance to Buffy/Angel actress Charisma Carpenter.

Sisters (2006)

The most disappointing aspect of this film was that I was really looking forward to watching it. It had Chloë Sevigny who is one of my favorite actresses and Stephen Rea who is awesome. The story also seemed original. So where did this movie go wrong?.

Let's start with a confusing plot, after the film was over I was so puzzled that I went straight to The Internet Movie Database to see if someone on the message boards could explain it to me. It was hindered by tons of boring unnecessary scenes before cramming all the major plot lines into 20 minutes.

There was no character development and the main characters were so boring and unpleasant that you really can't even begin to care about their motives or what will become of them. They wasted 45 minutes on a plot in the beginning that could have been done in 20. They then just had to add a "love scene" that was so gratuitous that it bordered on offensive. To add insult to injury the time they wasted with that scene alone could have been used to make the film a little less random and confusing.

Just avoid this film at all costs.

The Woods

I came for Bruce Campbell but I stayed for a pretty decent film. Agnes Bruckner plays Heather, an alleged troublemaker who is sent to a pretty, swanky, girls school. As she is tested for some mysterious scholarship, she begins to have weird visions and prophetic dreams. As she begins to manifest powers, she becomes interested in mysterious voices that may be tied into a mass murder orchestrated by witches a hundred years ago.

This is a great horror film filled with suspense and an actual plot. There is none of the abject goriness that seems to plague a lot of horror films today. The movie is slightly predictable but it will not hamper your enjoyment of the movie.

Warning to Bruce Campbell fans, he only appears in the movie at the beginning and in the climatic ending. His character is Heather's father and does not have any bad ass Ash type scenes. Even though he gets to carry an axe at one point.

The movie also stars Patricia Clarkson and this awesome actress named Kathleen Mackey. If they ever go through with that alleged Poltergeist 4 movie she would make an awesome adult Carol Anne.