She's Too Young

This film is an overprotective parent's wet dream. Melodramatic, totally out of touch with today's teenage, and wonderfully cheesy. What they should have named this flick is Girls Gone Mild.

We meet three teenage girls, Becca (Megan Park), a wildly promiscuous girl with strict parents. Dawn (Miriam Armstrong), a mildly promiscuous girl with the cool single mom. And last but not least our heroine, Hannah (Alexis Dziena) , who's still a babe in the woods. These girls are introduced to us in a montage of lip gloss, fishnets, and bad indie music.

Hannah, Dawn, and Becca used to be friends and are now hanging out again. Hannah is embarrassed when her mother insists on walking her out to the car and demands a number where can she reached. After her daughter leaves, Hannah's mom expresses her concerns about Hannah riding in cars with boys on a school night. (At least when Drew Barrymore did it, it was entertaining).

Becca and her boyfriend Nick promptly ditch Hannah and Dawn so that they can go to a motel. Really Lifetime, you expect us to believe that a 16 year old boy with a car and no parental supervision would waste money on a motel in order to hook up. I'm afraid that someone has confused real teenagers with characters from 90210.

Dawn and Hannah engage in typical teenage chitchat when one of Nick's friend, Bradley approaches them. He wants Hannah to come his car and listen to music (what no hotel?), Hannah declines and Dawn ditches her to go instead. Some random extras whisper about what a slut Dawn is while Hannah is forced to call her mom for a ride.

The next day, we see Nick ask Hannah out. Nick goes home to his cold, empty mansion and broods while drinking a beer. He later opens his inbox which is overflowing with mail from countless adult websites. Dawn lectures her younger sister about her homework and watches her mom with her latest boyfriend in disgust.

Hannah's mom runs into Dawn's mom and learns that Hannah is going out with Nick that weekend. We see Hannah in her room playing the cello. Her room just screams innocent with tons of books, trophies, and ceramic figurines. No fourteen year old I have ever met has collected ceramic figurines.

In yet another montage, Becca sluts up her appearance in the school bathroom while an upset Dawn goes to the nurse's office. She has a mysterious sore in her mouth, dun, dun, dun. Good god, another freaking montage, Lifetime you're killing me. House party, promiscuous teenagers, wine coolers, joints, etc etc etc. I never ever drank wine coolers when I was a teenager, that sort of thing was mocked even then.

Hannah's bumps into her best friend, Tommy (a.k.a The Smartest Person In This Film). Tommy tries to convince her to leave with him, but Hannah's not budging. Hannah and Nick go back to his fortress of solitude and go hottubbing. He just happens to have some girls' swimsuits lying around, this fails to ring any warning bells for Hannah.

Hannah bumps into Becca after church, Becca is shocked that Nick didn't try anything with her. Back at school, Dawn learns that she has syphilis. Poor Miriam Armstrong, she played a character with gonorrhea on Degrassi. The school nurse asks her how many sexual partners she has had, Dawn tells her about 20.

Hannah and Nick gone on another date, watching movies in his ice palace. He tries to get her to go all the way, but she refuses. They do end up doing everything else though. Hannah goes home and IM's Becca, she is disappointed that it wasn't the romantic experience she thought it would be.

The girls are all at Becca's house where the viewers are treated to an excruciating Bring It On homage. Dawn casually spills the news that she has syphilis. Hannah is understanding but Becca implies that she is a slut, Dawn leaves.

Later Nick, Bradley, Hannah and Becca hang out on the sofa drinking, Becca is bitching about how slutty Dawn is. They go upstairs to watch an adult film, Hannah is disgusted when she realizes that Nick intends for her to hook up with Bradley. She tearfully storms out leaving an eager Becca to entertain both guys.

The school nurse urges Nick to get tested and to name the girls he's been with. A cocky Nick refuses and tells the nurse that he's done almost every girl in school. In order to stop "the largest syphilis cluster in the town's history", they decide to alert anyone who may be at risk. Becca's mom demands to know if she is at risk, Becca lies and says she isn't. Dawn's mother also finds out and she admits it.

Hannah is brushing her teeth when she discovers that she has a sore as well. Hannah's parents hear about what's going on but Hannah says that she's fine. She goes up to her computer and researches syphilis. Gotta love Internet searching in the movies, all the information you need is always on the web link shown. Deadly, open sore, hair loss, and a bunch of pictures that made ma glad that I wasn't eating while watching this.

Hannah and Becca get tested and both have it. Hannah and Dawn later get drunk off wine coolers and discuss sex. Dawn's mother comes home to find Dawn passed out and Hannah getting sick in the bathroom. Hannah's parents take her home and Hannah tells them she has the "Big S"

Hannah's mom goes on the warpath and tries to make the others' parents more aware of their kids' actions. This leads to Hannah being harassed by her fellow students. At a school meeting the parents defend their little darlings while they buy beer and steal porn. Hannah is at home being harassed by online messages. She runs off crying.

Becca learns that she is being sent to a Christian school, Becca promptly sneaks off. Hannah's mom comes home and finds the rude messages on her computer. She learns that there is a party going on at Brad's. Dawn is supposed to be grounded but she sneaks out with Becca.

Hannah is over at Tommy's and they kiss. She tries to push things further but he refuses, an upset Hannah runs off. Becca and Dawn talk about starting over and not being sluts until Becca goes off with a couple of guys. Hannah tries to call Dawn or Becca, but Dawn's grounded and Becca is um occupied.

Hannah winds up at the party where Bradley tells her Becca is downstairs. Once there though he tries to rape her. Nick ineffectually attempts to stop it but Tommy shows up and saves the day. Becca returns home and begins to cry. Dawn and her mom are hanging out ignoring her younger sister who sneaks upstairs to try on Dawn's clothes.

Tommy brings Hannah back to his place and calls her parents. Everybody makes up and they all live sexlessly ever after.

The Curse Of Degrassi

This episode was a great idea for a Halloween episode but not a great cast. The episode focuses on Rick Murray returning to Degrassi to seek out a little revenge. He possesses Holly J and then begins stalking the newbies as they try to get the gym ready for a dance.

Rick returning and Spinner finally making amends, good television. Stocking the episodes with a cast who were not part of the show during that initial storyline, pointless. Where were Toby, Jimmy, Sean, Emma, and Terri? They actually had storylines with Rick and would've given the fans of the show a nice blast from the past. It just loses it's impact with the newbie cast.

This episode was at least longer than Degrassi Of The Dead with it's fifteen minutes of show and then a lame 15 minutes behind-the-scenes featurette. Ephraim Ellis who played Rick does not physically appear in this episode, you only hear his voice. I don't know if Ephraim simply could not participate in the episode or if Degrassi didn't want the ghost of Rick to look like he has been getting older in the afterlife. Remember it has been about 4 years since his character was killed off. Actors may age but ghosts cannot.

The show was stolen by actress, Charlotte Arnold, who plays Holly J. She is wonderful and totally owns her role as a girl possessed by a vengeful spirit. My favorite quote from her in this episode was "Why don't you shut your piehole, Mamma Mia. I've telekentically murdered a lot of people tonight. What one more?" And this was uttered when she wasn't possessed.

The episode can be seen on The N.com.

Too Young To Marry

Too Young To Marry is a smart and honest view on the subject of teen marriage. The film centers around Max and Jessica who decide to get married before graduating high school. While Max's mother and Jessica's father disapprove, Jessica's mom is extremely supportive of the two.

Things begin to unravel as Jessica gets accepted into Harvard and Max doesn't. As Jessica becomes more immersed into her collegiate world, Max suffers through a construction job he hates and starts to grow bitter. The couple begin to wonder if they have made a mistake settling down so young.

I like the film because it isn't melodramatic and actually shows both character's flaws. They show how stereotypical some people's views on marriage are. There is no last minute perfectly gift wrapped ending for the couple. Also kudos for not going the obvious route and trying to toss in a teen pregnancy like a lot of teen marriage films do. It shows the girl maturely taking birth control and concentrating on her studies.

Nina Dobrev (who currently plays Mia on Degrassi) shines as Jessica. She brings warmth and believability to the role without turning her into a Mary Sue. The only thing in the film that really does not fit was the character of Jessica's younger sister. Her entire role consisted of showing up randomly, saying something snarky and then vanishing. That might be okay for a medicore sitcom but not a film like this.

Dawn: Portrait Of A Teenage Runaway

Dawn: Portait Of A Teenage Runaway is a deliciously cheesy tv movie that stars The Brady Bunch's Eve Plumb and soap star Leigh J. McCloskey. The films centers around the aforementioned Dawn, a 15 year old who runs away from her alcoholic mother and winds up in California.

Due to her age and lack of experience, Dawn quickly winds up sleeping on the streets. She is befriended by Alexander, a teenage hustler who takes her in. Alexander is perfectly willing to take care of Dawn with no strings attached.

However Dawn feels increasingly useless and is desperate to make an income. She meets Frankie Lee, a teenage prostitute who introduces her to Swan, her pimp. Soon Dawn is working the streets and suffers abuse from Swan when she doesn't toe the line.

Alexander becomes worried about Dawn's health and enlists the help of Dawn's parole officer. The two team up to convince Dawn to give up the night life and return home to her now sober mother.

This movie is perfectly cheesy. I love the fact that Dawn becomes a hooker simply because she wants to help support Alexander. Her "bad girl" act is laughable and it doesn't help when she still looks like Jan Brady. The character of Swan is the epitome of the stereotypical pimp but can convincingly be charming one moment and scary the next.

The best part of the film is the character of Frankie Lee played by Marguerite DeLain. Even though the character is only supposed to be 17 but she looks 30. I tried looking up the actresses' age but IMDB does not have it. The movie features a very small role by Anne Ramsay of Throw Momma From The Train and Goonies fame.

The film also features the song "Cherry Bomb" by the Runaways. The Runaways were a '70s all girl rock group that included Joan Jett, Lita Ford and Michelle Steele of The Bangles. The song was also featured in the film Dazed And Confused.

If you have the good fortune to find this film and you are into cheesy teensploitation films then you will love this. The movie also spun off a sequeal called Alexander: The Other Side Of Dawn. I have a request, I honestly didn't like the character of Alexander and this film is hard to find. Can anyone who has seen the film tell me how it ends? I only wanna know if Dawn and Alexander hook up in the end.

Unleashing The Cheese On A New Generation

If you were a preteen or teenage girl in the 1980s, you probably have heard of Sweet Valley High. Well it looks like Random House is dusting off the series and updating it in an attempt to woo teenagers back into the trials and tribulations of the blonde and perfect Wakefield twins.

The updates according to a letter from Random House, will have Elizabeth as a the editor of the school website not a school paper, the twins will drive a red Wrangler not the iconic red Fiat, and the twins will be a perfect size 4 not a 6. As a perfect size 9, I'm a little offended that they felt the need to change that detail. Teenagers have enough body issues as is.

The most interesting change is the model who will be the new face of the twins on the covers. It's Leven Rambin, who currently stars on All My Children. Leven is no stranger to playing identical characters she plays an autistic girl named Lily and her older lookalike half sister Ava.

It should be interesting to see how a new generation will react to these books. If you want some snarky takes on Sweet Valley you should visit 1Bruce1 or The Dairi Burger, they are pretty hysterical.

Mom At Sixteen

This Lifetime film is actually one of the better ones. We meet Jacey, (Danielle Panabaker) a teenager who has just moved to a new town with her mother and two siblings. In a world of teenage promiscuity Jacey seems strangely subdued. Something is eating at her which the school guidance counselor (played by Ally McBeal's Jane Krakowski notices right away. A major subplot of this movie is the counselor's desire to have children of her own.

We learn rather quickly that Jacey's brother Charlie is in reality her son. Her mother is pretending that he is her son in order to save Jacey from the shame of being a teenage mother. Jacey is miserable however as she feels she has the right to decide what to do with her own child. Her mother is so overbearing she wouldn't even let Jacey tell her boyfriend/baby daddy about Charlie.

This movie shows a very honest and enlightening potrayel of teenagers sexuality and the way that they feel about it. It doesn't wrap the movie up in a happy bow, it shows just how hard it is to be a teenage mom in a world where people look down and don't respect you. Panabaker is believable as the main character and truly gives her all to the role. The ending is sweet and will make tears well up in your eyes, at least mine did.

Highlight below for spoiler
My chief complaint has to do with the end of the film. Jacey ends up handing the baby over to her counselor to raise. We see them four years later and since then the counselor has given birth to a child of her own. This is a theme common used in the media, the mother struggles to conceive adopts a child then miraculously has a biological child soon after. I think this is kind of insulting to the infertile mothers out there who won't have that miracle baby. Would it really be so wrong to have an infertile mother adopt and happily raise those children with no regrets about not having them biologically?