Rise of the Zombies...and my lunch

Very rarely do I hate a zombie movie. The zombie genre is one of my favorites and if you have read my blog, you know I am not afraid of terrible movies. But Rise of the Zombies goes beyond terrible; it is heavy handed and downright unpleasant.

 The movie centers around a group of survivors who have been living on Alcatraz Island. However their safety is soon compromised when the zombies begin to infiltrate. The group decides to return to the city in the hopes of finding a cure. One of the survivors played by LeVar Burton opts to stay behind and basically spend the whole film having his talents wasted.

Speaking of wasting talent, Danny Trejo also stars in this film and dies in the first reel. This is the same thing that ticked me off about the Day of the Dead remake when Ving Rhames died early. You do not cast bad ass actors in a zombie film and kill them off. Trejo was the main reason I gave this movie an ounce of my attention.

One of the main plots of Rise is a pregnant woman named Ashley. Ashley is a pessimist who believes that her pregnancy is more of a curse than a joyous event. This was a pretty decent plot that was literally squashed in one of the worst scenes I have ever seen.

Our survivors come across a pregnant woman who is trapped in an ambulance and in labor. Unfortunately our mom to be is turned and the survivors are forced to do a C section to save the baby. The baby initially is fine and the scene is rather heartwarming. That is until the baby turns into a zombie and promptly has its head smashed in.

I have seen a lifetime of blood and gore but that scene turned my stomach. It also ruined any respect I had for the movie. To make matters worse, Ashley kills herself later on resulting in yet another infant death in this movie.

The rest of the movie consists on wasting the talents of Ethan Suplee and Mariel Hemingway, religious discussions and a tacked on "optimistic ending." With this movie, SYFY hit a new low in poor taste. When you fail as a SYFY movie, you kind of fail the movie industry all together.

The Walking Dead:Rise Of The Governor

 
 The best part of The Walking Dead: Rise Of The Governor is the twist ending. A twist ending that would have definitely rocked the comic readers mind's. It would have rocked my mind too, had I not read the book before starting on the comics.

  Still Rise is a gritty post apocalyptic novel that those who have not read the comic can still enjoy. It follows Phillip Blake, his daughter Penny, brother Nick and friends as they try to find a refuge from an ever growing zombie population.

  What I appreciate is the non gross out writing. I am in the minority of horror fans who don't like too much gore. Hey, I can throw up for free, I don't need to spend money on a book or movie to make me do so. The characters they encounter throughout the novel are richly described even if they only show up for a few pages.

 Rise is what a zombie novel should be, intriguing, scary and at times heartbreaking. It's also a great introduction for people who haven't read the comics. It's more of a standalone novel with nods to certain characters that appear in the comics. I have been a long time fan of the show but never had any interest in the comics until I read this book.

  Even if you don't particularly care for the Walking Dead series, but are a fan of zombie literature read this book. It's a must read for horror fans.

31 Days Of Horror #8: Return of the Living Dead 3

Welcome to the O.C. bitch.

 
   In my opinion Return of the Living Dead 3 is one of the most well-written and thought provoking zombie films in recent history. For the most part the Return series was mostly campy and light hearted, more gore than actual story. This film however changes the rules and the result is 97 minutes of awesome.

   We meet teenage lovers Curt and Julie, Curt's father is a soldier experimenting with Trioxin, the zombie-creating gas from the first two movies. When the project goes sour, Curt's father is dismissed and relocated. An angry Curt runs away with Julie but she winds up dying in a motorcycle accident. Curt sneaks into the labs to bring her back to life.

  At first Julie seems alright but is soon gripped by the urge to eat brains. Unlike typical zombies, she is still self-aware and tries to fight her deadly urges. She learns that intense pain can stave off craving and does some damage that would make any masochist proud. The unlikely couple finds themselves on the run from gangsters, the military, and zombies alike.

   This is probably one of the few zombie films that you see from a first person point of view. Julie comes off as sympathetic and not just a bumbling bag of flesh in search of brains. I was impressed by the actress who played Julie, Melinda Clarke from the O.C. I didn't think much of her acting but this film changed my mind.

  The ending is quite beautiful and tragic which is what really sets this film apart from other movies in this genre. This is a must see for zombie fans even if you do find yourself tearing up at the end. If you are squeamish though, you might want to give this film a past. It is a lot gorier than your standard zombie fare.

31 Days Of Horror #4: Chopper Chicks in Zombietown

   Chopper Chicks in Zombietown is one of the best worst movies in history. (Suck on that Troll 2). It is a wonderful blend of horror, action, and comedy and is must see for any horror fan.

   The plot is pretty simple. A gang of bikers stop by a small town for a little R&R. A demented mortician has been raising the dead and forcing them to work in mines. The townspeople refuse to fight their dead relatives leaving the biker chicks to defend the town. Throw in some blind orphans, a midget, and Billy Bob Thornton and you got a hit.

This film could have succeeded simply based on babes in leather and zombies but Chopper Chicks takes it one step further. They actually have character development and a plausible back story. These are not random biker sluts from the planet bimbo. They are smart, funny, and kick some serious ass.

The film has a pretty eccentric cast. There's the aforementioned Billy Bob Thornton who plays a former boyfriend of one of the bikers. Martha Quinn plays a towns person and Hal Sparks fills the role of the head blind orphan. Mr. Sparks, if you ever read this: I must interview you or marry you, whatever comes first.

A girl can dream

Find this movie, watch it, absorb it's message, it is the holy grail of bad movies. Why are you still sitting here and reading? Go!!!

Diary Of The Dead

This film centers around a group of film students who are shooting a horror film in the woods when a zombie outbreak commences. We watch the gang via camera deal with zombies as they attempt to contact their loved ones and find a safe place to hide


I honestly don't know what to say about this flick. On one hand, I love George Romero and have never disliked one of his films. I do however dislike films that are shown from a camera's point of view. I know it's supposed to be more realistic and tries to make the viewer "live" the film but I simply don't like it. I got nauseous watching Blair Witch and while Cloverfield was good I don't intend on seeing it once again. With Diary Of The Dead, it simply bored me and distracted me from really immersing myself in the films.

Don't get me wrong George Romero didn't disappoint as far as the story went. It's nice to know that he still has the magic touch. However the constantly jerking camera angles did not impress me. If I want to real camera footage I'll rent a documentary but when it comes to zombie flicks I want the fantasy. If you liked George Romero or Cloverfield/Blair Witch check this film out. If you suffer from migraines or get easily nauseous then avoid it.

Zombie Strippers

There are movies in this world that are so deliciously bad they're good, Zombie Strippers is one of them. Zombie Strippers is a fun and quirky film with some great political commentary hidden among the nudity and bloodshed.

The film begins in 2012, America is at war with practically everyone, Bush is on his 5th consecutive and fixed term, and public nudity has been outlawed. Due to the lack of soldiers, a chemo-virus has been invented to render keep the soldiers fighting, dead or alive. However the virus inadvertently gets released into an illegal strip club. The undead strippers learn that they become better and hotter dancers. The human strippers struggle with the desire to conform to the new fad and give up their humanity.

The cast includes adult film star Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund who is best known as playing the iconic Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare On Elm Street series. Englund is hysterical as the sleazy, opportunistic strip club owner. And say what you want about Jenna Jameson, the girl can act.

This is a film that does not take itself seriously. It's fun, B-Grade, a refreshing bit of cinematic junk food. It oddly has a Tarentino meets Starship Troopers (the movie) vibe to it which I enjoyed. If you are offended by gore, nudity, or just don't have the appreciation for "bad movies" this film isn't for you. However if my description hasn't turned you off the film I think you'll enjoy it.

Day Of The Dead

I am using the teaser poster for this review. The DVD poster which basically looks like some guy vomiting up a zombie was too gross.

If you think this film is similar to the awesome 2004 remake of Dawn Of The Dead, think again. This film is more akin to some god awful made for Sci-Fi Channel tv movie.

The plot centers around Corporal Sarah Cross (a badly miscast Mena Suvari) who returns to her hometown during a zombie outbreak. After the entire town, including her mother fall ill to the virus, Sarah is desperate to find her younger brother before it's too late.

The film sadly is boring, the special effects are sub par, and despite the fact that the awesome Ving Rhames is portrayed as a major character in the trailers, he barely lasts 30 minutes in the film. The film bears no direct resemblance to the 1985 version. There is a female soldier as a lead character and a zombie who acts human and becomes an ally. That's about it.

And beware the ending which is a stupid zombie jumping out at the screen in the last frame. If it's not funny in those stupid Youtube videos, it's not funny on the silver screen. This marks the first time in a long time that I haven't enjoyed watching a zombie film, and I have seen some pretty Z grade ones.

I Am Legend

I used to scoff at the term movie of the year. I mean how can one movie just surpass all the others made and be the best. I Am Legend however has embodied the term movie of the year.

Will Smith plays Military virologist Robert Neville the lone survivor of New York City after a virus has turned most of the world's population into nocturnal zombie like creatures. His only companion is his dog Sam who accompanies him as he attempts to cure the virus and hopefully find other human contact.

If you have read Richard Matheson's I Am Legend then be warned the book and movie are two way different entities. If you are looking for a truer version seek out 1971's The Omega Man instead.

I Am Legend is taut, intense film that keeps you on your toes. It makes great use of the themes of isolation and makes you really feel the solitary atmosphere that Robert is forced to endure. Will Smith is just awesome in the first film I've liked from him since Enemy Of The State.

You cannot miss this film, it's a great blend of drama and action with a very breathtaking ending. And if you see a movie called I Am Omega, please run screaming, I'm serious.

Degrassi Of The Dead

I admit I was excited when I first heard about Degrassi's upcoming Halloween special. Being not only a fan of the show, but also a zombie movie enthusiast it was a dream come true. And for a little bit it was.

The plot consists of most of Degrassi turning into zombies after eating genetically modified foods (an inside joke to an older episode) The only survivors are Peter, Jay, Manny, Paige, and Ash who are barricaded inside the school with no one to rescue them. This non-canon episode is fun and a great escape from the usual Degrassi fare.

It would have been a great half hour of fun but instead we only got 15 minutes. And I had to sit through at least 2 of those god awful promos for that insipid About A Girl show. The remaining minutes were occupied by some bland as toast behind the scenes nonsense.

But it still was good fun if you are interested you can watch it in it's entirety on The N.com.

Resident Evil: Extinction

I have to go right out and say it I hated Resident Evil: Apocalypse. I found it boring, over convoluted, and a seemingly tacked on ending. What made it all the more offensive was that I adored the first Resident Evil.

When I heard there was a three I faced it with mild trepidation. It could be a great movie that totally makes up for the Apocalypse or it could bomb royally making me regret shelling out the money to see it. Thankfully it was the latter.

The movie's plot borrows a lot from the video game Resident Evil: Code Veronica. It has been 8 years since the last film (though at one point it is stated as only 5). The T-Virus has spread all over the world turning the planet into a desert wasteland. Alice is now on her own trying to hide from The Umbrella Corporation who is tracking her every move. Meanwhile Dr Sam Isaacs is cloning Alice in the hopes of finding a cure for the T-Virus. The casting is top-notch Milla Jovovich is as awesome as always, Oded Fehr and Mike Epps return to their roles from the previous sequel. New characters include singer Ashanti as Nurse Betty, the always wonderful Ali Larter as Claire Redfield, and a great debut by unknown Spencer Locke who plats K-Mart.

The movie is action-packed, fun, and definitely a good movie to see. It has a cliffhanger ending that actually makes you yearn for a Resident Evil 4. My only quibble has to do with the whereabouts of Jill Valentine and Angela Ashford who not mentioned at all in the movie despite the returns of L.T. and Carlos.

But all in all it is a movie I heartedly recommend.

Night Of The Living Dead 3D

This movie wasn't bad by any major standards it just seemed unnecessary to me. While it contained a lot of homage and inside jokes to George Romero's 1967 classic film but it still just lacks any spark. The plot is similar to the original, siblings Johnny and Barbara (called Barb in this version) head off to a cemetery when they are plagued by zombies. Barb eventually winds up at a farm with Ben (played by a white guy instead of the usual black guy) Harry, Helen, and Karen are the owners of the farm as opposed to a family forced to hide their. Tom and Judy make an appearance but with none of the sweetness or romance usually seen between them.
Two new characters are added Owen (a stoner farm hand) and Gerald (played by the incomparable Sid Haig) a mortician with a dark secret.

Simply put this movie was just dull, things move by way too fast, and even the 3D effects that are the main draw of this film are simply uninteresting. Sadly even the most indiscriminate horror/zombie enthusiast will find anything worthwhile in this tepid remake.

Sadly with the original Night Of The Living Dead now in public domain there is no stopping people from remaking this film over and over with no respect for the original. For a good remake track down Tom Savini's 1990 remake, it stays true to the original with a few good changes to spruce it up a bit.