The Face On The Milk Carton

I've been searching for this film for years. Lifetime failed me, ditto Amazon and Netflix. I begin to wonder if I would ever be able see the movie version of one of my favorite books. Be careful what you wish for. There's a very good reason this film still languishes in the VHS hell in our modern age of DVD.

Let's start with the movie's length. The producers of the film inexplicably crammed both Face On The Milk Carton and Whatever Happened To Janie into a two hour format. Not even two hours, it originally aired on national television, so a half hour consisted of commercials.

Can a film be too rushed and overly drawn out at once? This film can. Barely a minute after the film starts Janie finds her picture on the milk carton. In less than half an hour, Janie learns about Hannah and the cult and then the film grinds to a halt. Reading about Janie agonizing over whether to contact the people looking for her is better than having to watch it.

The second part where she returns to her family is considerably better. Richard Masur plays her biological father. I have an unexplainable crush on him dating back to My Girl in '91. I'll watch anything with him in it. The movie has some awesome casting including Sharon Lawrence and Richard Herrman.

You probably noticed that I did not include Kellie Martin who plays Janie. The reason: As good as an actress she is, she just isn't who I pictured as Janie. Janie struck me a normal, average girl next door type. Kellie unfortunately brings to Janie the same nervous, precocious, energy she brings to all her roles. If Juno had been released ten years earlier, she would have been a shoo-in for the role. But Juno is no Janie.

Also, Janie looks nothing like her siblings. A big deal in both the book and movie is how she looks so much like her other siblings.

This is not how I pictured Janie when I read the book.

Awesome casting, the actors actually look like brother and sister. But Janie looks nothing like them no matter what the film wants you to believe. She doesn't even have the same shade of red as her mother and siblings do.

The story would have been better off as a four hour miniseries. It would've given the film more time for plot and character development, both missing from the movie version. I am both glad to have finally seen the film but disappointed in how it was handled.

Danielle Steel's No Greater Love

Before James Cameron tackled Titanic, Danielle Steel dipped her literary toes into the Titanic's icy depths.

The 1996 film based on the 1991 novel centers around Edwina Winfield, a young woman who loses her parents and fiancee in the Titanic disaster. Faced with raising her family and protecting her parents legacy, Edwina turns her back on love. But given this is a Danielle Steel creation, her back won't be turned for long.
The opening scenes on the Titanic are quite possibly the most interesting scenes in this film. And that is only because the Titanic scenes were edited from the film S.O.S. Titanic shot in '79. Like the ship, the movie sinks quickly into a repetitive maudlin waste of 105 minutes.

Normally, I love Kelly Rutherford but she is simply a blank slate in this movie. What happened to the fire and passion that she brought to Melrose Place and later Gossip Girl? It's hard to root for a porcelain doll.

The film also wastes an inordinate amount of footage on the character of Alexis. Like most Danielle Steel heroines, her head is turned by the prerequisite sleaze old enough to be her father. Alexis' character in a word annoying. I mean, ripping out your hair annoying, from her first appearance as a little moppet to her last as a sullen teenager.

Something else in the film really bothered me. Edwina turns down suitors left and right. Even though she is attracted to the fabulous Sam Stone, she still can't get over her lost love. Until she finally boards a ship again and meets Mr. Right Now.

Of course, he is charming but simply can't marry her, so there is no threat of a future. He does take down her hymenal iceberg and teaches her that she can settle for Sam. Sadly, a girl having a fling with one man in order to be able to love another man is nothing new in the land of Danielle Steel. This plot rears it's ugly head in other Danielle Steel novels as well.

The other actors are equally as blank and unmemorable save for the appearance of a young Hayden Christensen as Edwina's brother, Teddy.



If you like Danielle Steel and have a couple hours to kill, this is a great rainy day fare. It's a typical romance film with the ending tied up in a perfect happy bow. Titanic enthusiasts beware: disregard this film as it brings nothing to the table.

Wes Craven's Flowers In The Attic

No, this is not a parody. Apparently Wes Craven wrote a script for the movie but was ultimately rejected. I am only reviewing this script, if you wanna read the whole thing, it can be found on the Complete V.C. Andrews site. I thank the site owner for making this available and recommend that any V.C. Andrews visit the site, it's awesome.

For the most part, Craven stays true to the novel. He uses large chunks of the book's dialogue and the characters are dead on. However inexplicably, John Amos Jackson is replaced by a character named Doberman. Doberman is mostly mute, all he does is grunt and let out "ungodly shrieks".

In my opinion there were way too many references to bodily functions. Unless body humor is the sole purpose of your film then it's really not necessary. Do not read this while eating. This script moves pretty quick, the poisoned doughnuts show up a mere couple of days after the children get there.

Wes Craven does make some minor changes. Chris is brutally attacked by a guard dog when they first get to the house. Instead of allowing the children to view the Christmas party, Corrine merely forgets to lock the door.

The script gets a little silly at this point. Cathy and Chris hide out in a mesh chest, watching the party like in the novel. But they manage to steal champagne from a couple of guests. Chris dons a wig and some old clothes so he can check out the house. The servants assume that he is just another guest.

Chris gets caught by his mother and runs off with her and Doberman in hot pursuit. Corrine is a major bitch in this scene. She actually refers to Chris as a little bastard. Doberman catches Chris and almost slits his throat, but the grandmother stops him. Which is out of character for a woman who is supposed to want the children to vanish.

Unlike the movie that actually got made, Craven includes Cathy's discovery of the sex book and her kissing a sleeping Bart. Instead of Chris raping Cathy, the sex is actually consensual which I thought would have worked better for the story. I didn't like in the novel how she instantly forgave him for the rape and never showed any anger over it.

The ending is really fast paced, the discovery of the poison, Cory's death, and Corrine's wedding happen almost simultaneously. Cathy winds up on the roof with Carrie, running from Doberman who is intent on killing them. Chris having learned about the poisoning from a strangely knowledgeable servant crashes the wedding.

Cathy manages to kill Doberman and they both announce to the entire wedding party who they are and what their mother did to them. Bart turns his back on her and the kids live happily ever after.

In my opinion, a decent script. Much better than the script that they ultimately chose. I hated the fact that they cut out the whole relationship between Chris and Cathy. That was a main part of the book and the studio chose to cut it out to avoid controversy.

This wasn't the only way that the studio screwed the film, the accidental death of the mother was a last minute addition to the film. The director actually refused to shoot the scene and eventually someone else did. Killing Corrine was a dumb move as the character plays an integral part in the next two novels of the series. They basically killed all hopes of a sequel in a single move.

If they had just chosen a better script or told the studio to shove it, the film might have been better.

Hunger Point

I would like to thank Lifetime Wow for alerting me to this film's awesomely bad existence.

We open with our main character Frannie as a child being lectured on the evils of being fat by her mother, Marsha. Her mother is played by Barbara Hershey who has seen better days. In my humble opinion she looks the Joker's love child.

Later at dinner, Marsha tears the skin off Frannie's chicken citing that it's fattening. Frannie's younger skinnier sister, Shelley insists that she needs to be on a diet as well. Marsha promptly tears the skin off her other daughter's chicken as well.

We flash forward to an older, Frannie who has severe eating issues. Shelley is equally messed up and is played by Susan May Pratt. Susan is no stranger to playing someone with an eating disorder, she played Maureen in Center Stage.

Frannie catches Shelley binging and purging and looks worried. Frannie becomes dissatisfied with her paltry meal of veggies and cottage cheese and binges as well. Shelley hospitalizes herself against her mother's wishes.

Frannie and her mom visit Shelley who sarcastically gives them a tour of the place, citing all the various eating disorders people have. After Marsha leaves, Shelley cries and worries that she has ruined her life. She goes off to get her meds and freaks out again when she catches her mother and sister discussing her.

Frannie who was laid off from her job is forced by Marsha to answer phones in her office. Frannie finds a marriage counselor's card in her mom's desk and realizes that her mom is flirting with a co-worker. She also flirts with the free sample guy at the supermarket much to her daughter's dismay. I guess no one ever told Marsha that you didn't have to put out for free samples. Then we are subjected to an awkward scene of them having a tug of war over a carton of ice cream.

Frannie has gotten a new job as a waitress and apparently has been sleeping her way through the staff. She begs her best friend, Abbie to accompany her to visit Shelley. A cute doctor tells her she has a real purdy mouth. Actually he used the word intriguing, but I like my version better.

Rather than tend to her depressed sister, she goes off to flirt with some more with the doctor. Shelley cries so hard that she has a panic attack. Frannie overhears her mom talking to her lover on the phone. She also tells him that Frannie can't take care of herself. Frannie tries to get her father to visit Shelley but he claims that he is too busy. Frannie's father is played by the same actor who played Gus in Don't Tell Mom The Babysitters Dead.

During the visit, Frannie realizes that her mom lied about Shelley filling out her Harvard application and confronts her about it. Her mother avoids the subject and Frannie tells her that she refuses to work for her anymore.

At her waitress job Frannie daydreams about the doctor. One of the co-workers she nailed licks her on the face and she is disgusted. Personally I'd be disgusted too, what kind of guy randomly licks people and at work no less. At the end of her shift, she pours wine on a rude customer's lap. She then tells his mistress to just let his wife have him.

When she gets home she finds a message for her father. Marsha's alleged lover's wife wants to have a talk with him. Frannie calls the woman instead and tells her to leave him alone. It turns out that the woman was simply ordering t-shirts from her father. Her mother insists that she is not having an affair.

Shelley is getting worse, her hair is falling out and she's cutting herself. Frannie calls the cute doctor who doesn't remember her or her sister. She has an outing with Shelley at a local diner, Shelley orders a salad that she obsessively cuts up. Some boys mock her but Frannie stares them down. Shelley later decides to leave the hospital and get her own place.

Frannie has a good interview with an ad agency and goes to the hospital to celebrate. Yes, celebrate, by blasting loud music and dancing in a mental hospital. The other patients join in the dancing and start singing. Even the nurse is dancing. But Frannie celebrated prematurely she didn't get the job.

Shelley leaves the hospital but show no signs of improvement. During an awkward family dinner, the girls' father finally stands up to their mother. This leads to an argument between the family. An upset Shelley overdoses on her meds. The pills didn't kill her though, it was the anorexia that did it. So I've learned that you can survive overdosing or being hit by a car as long as you don't have an eating disorder.

After the funeral Frannie learns that her mom wasn't having an affair with her co-worker, she was having an affair with her boss. While going through Shelley's stuff she finds a list of pro ana sites. She confronts her mom about the affair (again) and her mother tells her she's moving out.

Frannie talks to Shelley's friends and realizes that there are dozens of pro ana sites out there. She goes to see Shelley's shrink who tries to help her but she storms off. Frannie's friend tries to get her to go out but she refuses. She throws her dinner down the garbage disposal.

At the market, Frannie's father breaks down over Shelley's death. He walks in on Frannie purging and orders her to just stop it. She tries to get through to her mother who refuses to talk about Shelley. Frannie begins volunteering at her grandfather's retirement home. She meets Charlie, the grandson of one of the retirees. It's hate at first site which in a Lifetime movie always leads to true love.

Frannie gets freaked out when her father starts dating again and accepts a date with Charlie. They grow closer. It turns out the mistress of the rude customer wants to offer her a job in restaurant marketing. Her mother insists that she take the job. She finally breaks down about Shelley's death. Frannie promises her mother that nothing will happen to her.

So the movie ends with Frannie getting a dream job, dream guy, and even her parents get back together. Oh and her eating disorder vanishes without the need for therapy. And a zombie Shelley comes back to life and they all sing Kumbaya.

Ahh Lifetime, sometimes I hate you.


Next up: The film version of Flowers In The Attic.

Mists Of Avalon

Let me start this off by saying that I love Marion Zimmer Bradley's Mists Of Avalon novel. Sadly when the miniseries came out I did not have cable and therefore missed it. I wanted to rent it not have to buy it without seeing it first. So when I joined Netflix and saw it there I was thrilled to finally be able to get my hands on it. But to quote the great B.B. King "The thrill is gone."

Let's start with the casting, Igraine is supposed to be a girl of nineteen at the start of the novel. However she is played by 42 year old actress, Jane Goodall. Her sister Morgause, 13 years old at the start of the novel is played by 45 year old actress, Joan Allen. Why couldn't they have cast actresses to portray their younger selves like the did with Morgaine and Arthur.

Maybe people might be uncomfortable at the thought of women marrying and bearing children before they were 18 but that's the way it happen. Being in your mid-forties, in that time period meant you were old. Julianna Marguiles was decent casting, you could accept her as the younger and older Morgaine. Anjelica Huston was awesome, no complaints there. Samantha Mathis is a great actress but as Gwenhwyfar she is simply annoying and not worth the movie's emotional investment.

Then we have the things that were omitted from the novel. Morgaine's affair with Accolon and their plot to overthrow Arthur, gone. Morgaine stealing the enchanted scabbard, her getting lost in fairy country, the quest for the Holy Grail, gone, gone, gone. Characters like Elaine and Accolon are so blink and you'll miss it, one wonders why the film wasted time on them at all. Kevin, Niniane, and Nimue never even make an appearance.

The changes to the ending make me want to tear my hair out. Did the scriptwriters even read the book? I understand that sometimes a film based on a book must make changes but this is just ludicrous.

If you loved the book, don't see the movie. If you see the movie, immediately track down the book and read it, trust me it will make you understand this travesty of a film.

The Ruins

The Ruins was a lot better than I expected. In light of what horror has been reduced to lately, I was worried that I was going to spend two hours being grossed out. The Ruins focuses on a group of Americans who decide to go to some hidden ruins to explore. They are joined by Matthias a European looking for his brother who had gone to those ruins a few days prior.

Inexplicably the gang is attacked by Mayans and are quarantined in the Ruins with no contact to the outside world. The Mayans are not their biggest problem as some mysterious vines begin to infect the gang.

The premise may seem silly but the films is a good way to pass the time. Jena Malone is a great actress even though I found the character she played to be whiny and unlikable. People who have read the book the movie is based on, be warned. The movie barely follows the books aside from the basic plot.

This film is refreshingly light on gore and doesn't bore the viewers with the generic crap that most horror films are hindered with. The only thing that really bugged me about the film was the vague ending and the selfishness of the protagonists. Even after knowing they are infected and knowing they could infect others they still want to escape. If I were in that situation, I would be thinking of other than my own skin.

The film also stars Joe Anderson (Across The Universe) and Shawn Ashmore (Iceman from the X-Men films.)

Black Snake Moan

Despite the curiously exploitive way the studio promoted this film, Black Snake Moan is a good film. The movie stars Samuel L. Jackson as Lazurus, a former blues player who is deeply religious. Christina Ricci plays Rae, a troubled, promiscuous girl beaten and left for dead on Lazurus' property.

Fearing that he would be blamed for her injuries, he nurses her back to health secretly. When he realizes the depths of just how disturbed Rae is, he decides that he cure her of her evils and chains her up in the house. Despite this odd start, the two begin to form a close bond.

I know the movie comes off as racist and sexist but it's anything but. There is an honesty and intensity to this film that surpasses a lot of the garbage that has been coming out of the cinema as late. Jackson and Ricci are amazing actors and they give their characters a depth and honesty that sparks on the screen.

The movie also stars Justin Timberlake as Rae's boyfriend Ronnie who deals with his own problems that rival Rae's.

This is a film that can't be missed. If you love intelligent scriptwriting, top notch acting, and some great blues music this is the film for you.

Ellen Page To Star As Jane Eyre

The adorable star of Juno and Hard Candy has signed on to play Jane Eyre in upcoming adaption. The BBC film will be produced by the same person who brought us The Other Boleyn Girl. No director has been attached as yet.

Even though I have seen countless versions of Jane Eyre, I am very interested in seeing this one. Ellen Page has usually played modern, wiser than her years type characters, so having her play a mousy 19th century governess will be a challenge.

If Page can nail this role then she will have her choice of roles and not be subjected to typecasting. No word yet on when this film will be released.

Update! This blog got mention on The Week Daily. I am so stoked. ;o) Click here if you want to check it out.

The Best Little Girl In The World.

Once upon a time I used to religiously buy a copy of Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide. For a movie buff in the pre internet it was a plethora of movie information and trivia. One of the movie's listed in there had always intrigued me but damned if I could find it. That movie was The Best Little Girl In The World. It listed two of my favorite actresses Jennifer Jason Leigh and Ally Sheedy.

Well imagine my delight I was channel surfing to finally catch this much anticipated but never found film. Sigh anticipation is overrated. The movie while I'm sure pivotal for it's time was a script by numbers bore with a mostly uninteresting cast.

Based on the novel by Steven Levenkron, the film centers around Casey a high school junior. Casey is the epitome of the all American girl, an aspiring ballerina, cheerleader, good student, and someone who avoids sex, drugs, and booze. Casey's family on the other hand is a nightmare, her mother is overbearing, her father's a doormat, and her troublesome sister has just announced that she is pregnant. An overwhelmed Casey soon succumbs to Anorexia as a method of coping.

As I said before the movie is dull. With the exception of Leigh, the cast seems to be going through the motions. Not that I can blame them as the movie veers from dull and predictable to insanely ludicrous within seconds. You can predict every twist and turn without using single brain cell. And to add insult to injury Sheedy only appears in the film for one or two scenes playing a friend of Casey's.

Simply put if you are a major fan of Jennifer Jason Leigh then definitely give this a scene, she is quite wonderful. But if not it's better to avoid this film.