The Face On The Milk Carton

I've been searching for this film for years. Lifetime failed me, ditto Amazon and Netflix. I begin to wonder if I would ever be able see the movie version of one of my favorite books. Be careful what you wish for. There's a very good reason this film still languishes in the VHS hell in our modern age of DVD.

Let's start with the movie's length. The producers of the film inexplicably crammed both Face On The Milk Carton and Whatever Happened To Janie into a two hour format. Not even two hours, it originally aired on national television, so a half hour consisted of commercials.

Can a film be too rushed and overly drawn out at once? This film can. Barely a minute after the film starts Janie finds her picture on the milk carton. In less than half an hour, Janie learns about Hannah and the cult and then the film grinds to a halt. Reading about Janie agonizing over whether to contact the people looking for her is better than having to watch it.

The second part where she returns to her family is considerably better. Richard Masur plays her biological father. I have an unexplainable crush on him dating back to My Girl in '91. I'll watch anything with him in it. The movie has some awesome casting including Sharon Lawrence and Richard Herrman.

You probably noticed that I did not include Kellie Martin who plays Janie. The reason: As good as an actress she is, she just isn't who I pictured as Janie. Janie struck me a normal, average girl next door type. Kellie unfortunately brings to Janie the same nervous, precocious, energy she brings to all her roles. If Juno had been released ten years earlier, she would have been a shoo-in for the role. But Juno is no Janie.

Also, Janie looks nothing like her siblings. A big deal in both the book and movie is how she looks so much like her other siblings.

This is not how I pictured Janie when I read the book.

Awesome casting, the actors actually look like brother and sister. But Janie looks nothing like them no matter what the film wants you to believe. She doesn't even have the same shade of red as her mother and siblings do.

The story would have been better off as a four hour miniseries. It would've given the film more time for plot and character development, both missing from the movie version. I am both glad to have finally seen the film but disappointed in how it was handled.

Death Of A Cheerleader

Death of a Cheerleader is awesomely bad. One of those you will watch it but never admit you watched it kind of films. It's loosely based on the 1984 murder of Kirsten Costas by her classmate Bernadette Protti.

Kellie Martin plays Angela Delvecchio, an overachiever who transfers from catholic school regular public school. Angela is determined to have it all, yearbook editor, cheerleader, etc etc. Even though she does end up doing pretty well in school, she still feels that she is a failure.

The bane of Angela's existence is Stacy Lockwood (Tori Spelling) a popular rich girl who obviously can't stand Angela. This slight puts Angela's OCD into overdrive and she vows to win over Stacy. This of course leads to a death of a cheerleader.

I don't like to give away endings to film but the title, DVD cover, and trailer already have, so why not? The murder happens quickly and we are stuck with watching Angela lament her actions over and over.

I felt the main waste of this film was casting Valerie Harper as Angela's mom. Despite the fact that she's a seasoned actress who deserves more, all she is is a background character in the film. The same goes for Christa Miller whose stuck with the why bother role of the older sister. To round off this waste of talented actresses, Kathryn Morris plays a stereotypical goth girl. Look fast for Terry Quinn as a rather creepy principal.

The thing that sticks out about this film is that neither of the main characters are likable. Tori Spelling is typically bland and bitchy. Kellie Martin who's supposed to be a nice girl pushed to far starts the film off as rather unhinged.

This is a film strictly for people who like bad television movies or hate themselves.