Horrifying Non-Horror or Oh Hai, Romy & Michelle.

 

 As far as '90s movies go, Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion is a personal favorite. It had likable characters, a solid cast, and an awesome soundtrack. It was the magic of this film that made me stupid enough to seek out this insipid prequel.

  The prequel could have had excellent casting had the casting director not mucked it up. Katherine Heigl plays Romy who was the smarter half of the duo in the original film. She plays Romy as an absolute ditz, same with Alexis Breckinridge who takes the ditzy role of Michelle and makes her more serious and smarter. Had they simply switched roles this movie might have been more tolerable. Maybe the people who made this film couldn't tell the characters apart but the fans could.

  We meet up with a post high school Romy and Michelle who are desperate to leave Phoenix. Inspired by their new favorite movie, Pretty Woman, they decide to move to Hollywood and become hookers. Since this was made by ABC Family, they obviously don't go through with their goal. They are befriended by Donna, a transgender Fairy Godmother who takes the poor girls in. Donna is by far the most likable and entertaining character who should have gotten more of a plot.

   The plot of the original Romy & Michelle was actually relatable. It was about two high school outcasts hoping to show up their former tormentors. The plot of the prequel: Romy & Michelle are desperate to get into a trendy nightclub. This is not a movie plot, this is something you would fined in a typical sitcom or teen drama. 

   There are other more inane subplots, such as the girls’ lucky red shoes whom the original owner is desperate to get back. There’s an insecure model threatening to end the girls’ friendship. There is also a romantic subplot with two actors completely lacking in chemistry. They even trot out a shy maid with musical aspirations to butcher a Cyndi Lauper song. And of course a completely random cameo by Paula Abdul that makes no sense.

  The ditzy duo learns that they should be their selves and not try to fit in with everyone else. This is a lesson that they will completely years later and will have to learn all over again.

    I was at best hoping to find a cute little TV movie to bide my time. This was seriously an in name only movie that felt more like a drawn out cheap sitcom sans the laugh track. Save yourself the agony and simply rent the original instead.