Sarah T. - Portrait Of A Teenage Alcoholic

   Sarah T. Portrait of a Teen-Age Alcoholic is essentially a retelling of Go Ask Alice, only with booze. Our favorite possessed moppet Linda Blair plays Sarah who has just moved to a new town. She is insecure about everything until she makes a new friend,vodka.

   Sarah is set up on a pity date with Ken (a pre Star Wars Mark Hamill) who takes her to a party. Sarah is a wallflower until she gets drunk and "charms" the party goers with a off key version of Carole King's It's Too Late. What is it with 70s drug/drinking propaganda films ruining classic songs. Don't get me started on Go Ask Alice and their audio murder of Jefferson Airplane.



    Unfortunately, Ken has to take a wasted Sarah home and even endures the wrath of her parents. He still falls for her and the two begin dating. Despite this, Sarah continues to drink even letting the maid get fired rather than admit she's stealing booze.

   Ken wants her to stop so she attempts to. She attends an AA meeting but decides that she isn't an alcoholic and doesn't need help. This from the girl who spiked her AA punch with vodka. The movies even trots out an adorable 11 year old alcoholic to really drive the point home.

   Sarah is stuck babysitting and invites Ken over. She realizes that Ken has been seeing other girls, the two fight and he storms off. Bye bye, sobriety, Sarah celebrates with a bottle of elderberry wine. She ends up passing out and getting caught by the child's parents.

                                                          Screw you, Mark Hamill

   Sarah's mom and step dad finally take an interest in their wayward child and punish her. Sarah wants to live her real father whom she idolizes. Of course, Daddy Dearest is a slacker with a drinking problem of his own. Sarah is devastated when he refuses to take her in.

                                             Yes that is Larry Hagman and his Chia beard.

   Sarah goes on a drinking spree, it's even implied that she trades sexual favors for a bottle of vodka. She hides out in Ken's barn and steals his horse. She promptly rides the horse onto the freeway and gets hit by a car. Sarah survives but the horse has to be put down. And Ken most likely won't be taking Sarah to prom.

    Sarah is not arrested nor is she even put in rehab. But she realizes that she is an alcoholic and walks off into the sunset with her fellow AA members. The moral of this movie: Don't drink and ride bareback. God, I need a drink.