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Monday, June 29, 2009

Delia's Crossing: A V.C. Andrews Novel

Ever since the day I stumbled across my stepsisters copy of Heaven, I was a V.C. Andrews addict. I read every single book I could find and was excited every time a new one came out. But soon the books just got way too terrible and I gave up.

I found Delia's Crossing in a thrift store and thought why not? Delia's Crossing isn't that bad compared to Andrew Neiderman's most recent works. It actually feels more like an old school V.C. Andrews novel.

The book centers around Delia Yebarra who lives in a small village in Mexico. At the age of 15, her parents die and she is sent to live with her aunt and two cousins. In typical V.C. Andrews fashion, she has the cruel mother figure and the jealous manipulative cousin. However in a rare twist, she has a positive relationship with a male cousin that doesn't involve him falling in love with her.

Even though the novel has a Mexican heroine, it doesn't resort to stereotypes. One of my many complaints of the Hudson series was how they dealt the character of Rain. Rain was a character with a black father and a white mother. Every few pages we were reminded that she was part black and then reminded that she didn't act black. After all she didn't use street slang or listen to rap, stereotype city.

Sadly while the incest plot line is refreshingly absent, the rape scenes are alive and well. Poor Delia suffers not one but two attacks in a single book.

Thankfully Delia isn't hindered by all the usual Mexican stereotypes. The novel shows more respect than usual for her culture. What's even more refreshing is the character of Edward, Delia's gay cousin. The book actually portrays his relationship with his best friend as a positive thing. In fact I was more interested in Edward's romance than Delia's.

All in all this book was a surprise, if Andrew Neiderman can continue to write the V.C. Andrews like this one, I may start reading them again. I actually would like to read the other books in the Delia series. If you, like I, were turned off by the more recent books, I suggest giving this one a try.

Now back to the movie world. Thursday, I will be reviewing A Secret Between Friends: A Moment of Truth starring the fabulous Lynda Carter.

Friday, June 12, 2009

She's Too Young

This film is an overprotective parent's wet dream. Melodramatic, totally out of touch with today's teenage, and wonderfully cheesy. What they should have named this flick is Girls Gone Mild.

We meet three teenage girls, Becca (Megan Park), a wildly promiscuous girl with strict parents. Dawn (Miriam Armstrong), a mildly promiscuous girl with the cool single mom. And last but not least our heroine, Hannah (Alexis Dziena) , who's still a babe in the woods. These girls are introduced to us in a montage of lip gloss, fishnets, and bad indie music.

Hannah, Dawn, and Becca used to be friends and are now hanging out again. Hannah is embarrassed when her mother insists on walking her out to the car and demands a number where can she reached. After her daughter leaves, Hannah's mom expresses her concerns about Hannah riding in cars with boys on a school night. (At least when Drew Barrymore did it, it was entertaining).

Becca and her boyfriend Nick promptly ditch Hannah and Dawn so that they can go to a motel. Really Lifetime, you expect us to believe that a 16 year old boy with a car and no parental supervision would waste money on a motel in order to hook up. I'm afraid that someone has confused real teenagers with characters from 90210.

Dawn and Hannah engage in typical teenage chitchat when one of Nick's friend, Bradley approaches them. He wants Hannah to come his car and listen to music (what no hotel?), Hannah declines and Dawn ditches her to go instead. Some random extras whisper about what a slut Dawn is while Hannah is forced to call her mom for a ride.

The next day, we see Nick ask Hannah out. Nick goes home to his cold, empty mansion and broods while drinking a beer. He later opens his inbox which is overflowing with mail from countless adult websites. Dawn lectures her younger sister about her homework and watches her mom with her latest boyfriend in disgust.

Hannah's mom runs into Dawn's mom and learns that Hannah is going out with Nick that weekend. We see Hannah in her room playing the cello. Her room just screams innocent with tons of books, trophies, and ceramic figurines. No fourteen year old I have ever met has collected ceramic figurines.

In yet another montage, Becca sluts up her appearance in the school bathroom while an upset Dawn goes to the nurse's office. She has a mysterious sore in her mouth, dun, dun, dun. Good god, another freaking montage, Lifetime you're killing me. House party, promiscuous teenagers, wine coolers, joints, etc etc etc. I never ever drank wine coolers when I was a teenager, that sort of thing was mocked even then.

Hannah's bumps into her best friend, Tommy (a.k.a The Smartest Person In This Film). Tommy tries to convince her to leave with him, but Hannah's not budging. Hannah and Nick go back to his fortress of solitude and go hottubbing. He just happens to have some girls' swimsuits lying around, this fails to ring any warning bells for Hannah.

Hannah bumps into Becca after church, Becca is shocked that Nick didn't try anything with her. Back at school, Dawn learns that she has syphilis. Poor Miriam Armstrong, she played a character with gonorrhea on Degrassi. The school nurse asks her how many sexual partners she has had, Dawn tells her about 20.

Hannah and Nick gone on another date, watching movies in his ice palace. He tries to get her to go all the way, but she refuses. They do end up doing everything else though. Hannah goes home and IM's Becca, she is disappointed that it wasn't the romantic experience she thought it would be.

The girls are all at Becca's house where the viewers are treated to an excruciating Bring It On homage. Dawn casually spills the news that she has syphilis. Hannah is understanding but Becca implies that she is a slut, Dawn leaves.

Later Nick, Bradley, Hannah and Becca hang out on the sofa drinking, Becca is bitching about how slutty Dawn is. They go upstairs to watch an adult film, Hannah is disgusted when she realizes that Nick intends for her to hook up with Bradley. She tearfully storms out leaving an eager Becca to entertain both guys.

The school nurse urges Nick to get tested and to name the girls he's been with. A cocky Nick refuses and tells the nurse that he's done almost every girl in school. In order to stop "the largest syphilis cluster in the town's history", they decide to alert anyone who may be at risk. Becca's mom demands to know if she is at risk, Becca lies and says she isn't. Dawn's mother also finds out and she admits it.

Hannah is brushing her teeth when she discovers that she has a sore as well. Hannah's parents hear about what's going on but Hannah says that she's fine. She goes up to her computer and researches syphilis. Gotta love Internet searching in the movies, all the information you need is always on the web link shown. Deadly, open sore, hair loss, and a bunch of pictures that made ma glad that I wasn't eating while watching this.

Hannah and Becca get tested and both have it. Hannah and Dawn later get drunk off wine coolers and discuss sex. Dawn's mother comes home to find Dawn passed out and Hannah getting sick in the bathroom. Hannah's parents take her home and Hannah tells them she has the "Big S"

Hannah's mom goes on the warpath and tries to make the others' parents more aware of their kids' actions. This leads to Hannah being harassed by her fellow students. At a school meeting the parents defend their little darlings while they buy beer and steal porn. Hannah is at home being harassed by online messages. She runs off crying.

Becca learns that she is being sent to a Christian school, Becca promptly sneaks off. Hannah's mom comes home and finds the rude messages on her computer. She learns that there is a party going on at Brad's. Dawn is supposed to be grounded but she sneaks out with Becca.

Hannah is over at Tommy's and they kiss. She tries to push things further but he refuses, an upset Hannah runs off. Becca and Dawn talk about starting over and not being sluts until Becca goes off with a couple of guys. Hannah tries to call Dawn or Becca, but Dawn's grounded and Becca is um occupied.

Hannah winds up at the party where Bradley tells her Becca is downstairs. Once there though he tries to rape her. Nick ineffectually attempts to stop it but Tommy shows up and saves the day. Becca returns home and begins to cry. Dawn and her mom are hanging out ignoring her younger sister who sneaks upstairs to try on Dawn's clothes.

Tommy brings Hannah back to his place and calls her parents. Everybody makes up and they all live sexlessly ever after.

New Post Coming Soon

For the last week my internet was consistently going out. After having three different cable guys come to our house, it's finally working again. Expect weekly or biweekly posts from now on. Tomorrow afternoon I will be posting a my review of She's Too Young. I will also be reviewing Love Comes Softly over the weekend.

On another note I am looking for suggestions for more Lifetime (or similiar) movies to review. If anyone has any suggestions, I would be grateful.

Until tomorrow.........

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Swearing Allegiance a.k.a Love's Deadly Triangle.

As with most of these films, Swearing Allegiance a.k.a Love's Deadly Triangle is based on a true story. It covers the 1995 murder of teenager Adrianne Jones, by Diane Zamora and David Graham. It stars Full House's Viper (David Lipper) and Charmed's Piper (Holly Marie Combs).

Without any prelude, we immediately start at the murder. Diane and David attack Adrianne before David chases her into a field and shoots her. We cut to David typing his confession on a computer. He and Diane are obsessed with one another, perfect love, blah, blah.

The scene switches to Diane and her friend Susie (Joanna Garcia) walking down the halls of their high school. Diane is blathering the same boring B.S. about David and it's all so very boring. We than pan to them wildly making out, David wants to go further but Diane can't.

"David, my virginity is something I can only give once" Sadly that was a direct quote. David sugar talks her into it very quickly and they have teh sex. It's so romantic he pawns his rifles to buy her an engagement ring.

On their way home, they stop at a local fast food place. Adrianne (a.k.a AJ) takes them their order and chitchats with David, much to a jealous Diane's displeasure. AJ's co-worker interrupts them to inform her that some guy is back.

That guy is Brian, an awkward and nervous boy that has been hounding AJ. She hides from Brian as her co-worker tries to discourage him. AJ feels bad that she's avoiding him. We go back to Diane in the car grilling David about how he knows AJ.

David and AJ meet up at a track meeting and get all hot and bothered on the bus ride home. Meanwhile Diane and mother argue about losing her virginity, Diane assures her mother that she will marry him. The groom to be however is hooking up with AJ in the woods somewhere.

Later on, David and Diane are on a date when they run into AJ and her boyfriend. Diane senses the awkwardness between them and demands answers. He admits that he has had "carnal knowledge" of AJ. Diane begins crying hysterically and throws a fit.

Rather than turn to shopping therapy, couple's therapy, or for the love of God, professional therapy, Diane decides that AJ must die. After a few scenes of AJ hanging out with her mother, she gets a call from David asking her to meet him. AJ sneaks out and gets in the truck, we all know what happens next.

AJ's mother realizes she is missing while David and Diane innocently study. AJ's body is discovered in a field and two detectives inform her mother. As they question her she remembers that a David had called AJ the night before. Her brother informs him that he saw a white truck the night before.

The detectives come into the school and begin questioning the students about the murder. David denies having ever known her and soon suspicion shifts to Brian. Brian has no memory of that night due mixing depression pills and booze.

David and Diane attend AJ's funeral but Diane begins to freak out, they vow to be honorable citizens from now on. David gets into the Air Force, Diane gets into the Navy. The detective continue to badger Brian until his father gets fed up and threatens the police. A SWAT team later storms Brian's house and arrests him. Does it really require an entire SWAT team to apprehend a single murder suspect? Brian is released after he passes a lie detector test.

At prom, Susie tells Diane that there is a rumor that she killed AJ for sleeping with David. Diane gets angry and storms out which only makes her look guilty. She assures David that everything will be fine as they dance in front of a picture of AJ.

Diane and David go off to their respective bases. Diane begins to break down and eventually confesses what she did to another cadet. Then she sticks her tongue down his throat, apparently she doesn't practice what she preaches. Diane cannot keep her trap shut and also brags about it to her roommates.

Her roommates report her to the cops but she claims that she was just joking. She is sent home anyway for the time being. Instead of going home she hightails it to Colorado where David is. Meanwhile the cops finally get a clue and begins to suspect the bumbling lovers.

They find a friend of David's that remembers that David and Diane came to his house that night covered in blood. This was obviously something that he didn't feel was important enough to tell the cops about.

The detectives tell him what his friend said and David finally confesses. His confession includes a gem about "Diane's eyes playing the strings of his heart. Blecchh! We then see the murder from David's point of view. David and Diane are arrested while Mrs Jones weeps over the loss of her daughter.

Now most of these films would have ended with the trial or some info on what happened to the couple. However this film was released before the trial had even ended. Talk about jumping the gun a little.

Next we go back to a simpler snarky time with Love Comes Softly starring Katerine Heigl.