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Saturday, January 26, 2008

Joel McHale Is A Stand Up Kind Of Guy

Sorry for the ghetto copy clip but that was the only one currently up on Youtube

For those of you who don't know Joel McHale is the host of E's The Soup. The Soup takes the major gossip, movie trailers, and television clips and provides some wicked satiric commentary on them. But in the last episode he also proves he has a heart with his small tribute to Heath Ledger in the above clip.

Unlike a lot of celebs Heath Ledger mostly avoided humiliating himself in front of the paps and devoted his life to his work and his family. Of course tabloids hate that and have been trying their damnedest to find something unflattering about him. And unlike some other people who shall remain nameless who were quick to make fun of him, Joel took the high road. That's of of the many reason I love Joel McHale.

Monday, January 21, 2008

One Missed Call

For me to say a horror movie is awful is pretty much a death knell for the film. Why you ask? Simple when it comes to horror films my standards are pretty low. I love horror movies from the very good to the very godawful. The awful ones are great because even in their badness it's still entertaining.

One Missed Call is a complete bore with a dull script, absolutely no character development, and a confusing ending. The movie follows Beth Raymond, a young girl who's friends start dropping like flies. Prior to their deaths each of them received a voice mail with a recording of their deaths and the exact time they perish. Beth has received the same message and is desperate to keep this from happening to her. She is joined Det. Jack Andrews whose own sister was the victim of this curse.

The real tragedy is that they Americanized a pretty awesome Japanese film and turned it into the most boring mess. Plus the actor and actresses talents are wasted here. The film stars Shannyn Sossaman as Beth, Ed Burns as Jack, the always talentes Azura Skye in the blink and you'll miss it role of Leeann, and Margaret Cho who is wasted as a co-worker of Jack's.

Steer clear of this film at all costs.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Dead Silence

Dead boring is more like it. I hunkered down for what I thought would be simple ghost story only to lose two hours I will never get back. The only thing scary about this film is the fact that it exists.

Jamie Ashen (Ryan Kwanten) returns to his former hometown and estranged father after the brutal murder of his wife. Believing that Mary Shaw, a ventriliquist who was murdered long ago is responsible, he begins to investigate her in the hope of finding answers. He's trailed by Detective Lipton (Donnie Wahlberg) who doesn't believe that Jamie is innocent of his wife's murder.

The movie is dull, hard to follow, and wastes too much time with long drawn out "suspense" scenes instead of cobbling together a decent plot. The ending is flat out stupid and predictable and Wahlberg normally a decent actor seems to be phoning it in.

Beware the stare of Mary Shaw
She had no children, only dolls
And if you see her, Do not scream
Or she'll rip your tongue out at the seam.

If only Mary Shaw had ripped out my eyes before I watched this crap.

Sunday, January 13, 2008


Rain is a straight to DVD film based on (IMHO) one of the weakest series in the V.C. Andrews oeuvre. Rain is a series/film following a biracial girl who leaves the ghetto after her younger sister is murdered. At her adoptive mother's request she moves in with her maternal grandmother and enter the white bred world of the uber-rich.

The movie is flat out confusing and chops out large parts of the novel. Her "brother" Roy despite being a major prescence in the novel vanishes near the beginning, her real brother Brody who had a crush on Rain (but not knowing they were related) and her real sister never make an appearance and the film is saddled with a lame subplot about gang bangers following Rain to her grandmother's and demanding that she steal for them. The acting is mostly dull and uninspired (save for Khandi Alexander and Faye Dunaway of course). They sacrifice plot for long drawn out scenes of Rain singing,despite the fact that in the novel Rain was an actress. The ending does follow the novels but seems like a desperate grab for a sequel as opposed to a proper ending.

This is the second V.C. Andrews novel brought to the "big screen" and the second one to fail. Andrews' first novel Flowers in The Attic also was a disaster with the whole incest storyline chopped out and the ending was a complete washout that disabled any chance of a sequel. V.C. Andrews are dark, twisted, Gothic horror featuring incest, rape, child abuse etc etc. When you try to whitewash a novel clearly written for "adult" into a film that you want the "tweens" to see you negate the whole point of bringing a novel to the screen.

There are rumors that Lifetime is bringing the Landry series to the small screen with a miniseries saddled with the unfortunate title of The Landry. Maybe the third time will be a charm.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Dirty Dancing: The Series

While on Youtube I stumbled upon the pilot for a tv series based on the movie, Dirty Dancing. I was aghast while I was expecting a spin off or a rip off, but not a complete bastardization.

In this series Baby is not a Houseman but in reality the daughter of Mr Kellerman the owner of the resort. Her parents are divorced and there is no mention of a sister. The gawky sister role is fulfilled by a cousin whom Baby is forced to share a room with.

Baby comes to Kellerman's for the summer in order to reconnect with her estranged father. She asks for a job and is immediately given the job of talent coordinator. The original talent coordinator Johnny is put off by Baby's arrival and does his best to make her feel like an outcast.

Of course Baby and Johnny are attracted to one another, of course Baby defies her father and does the big dance scene thus winning his approval, and blah blah blah. The cast consisted of The Office's Melora Hardin as Baby, Mash star Mclean Stevenson playing her father, and Constance Marie played Penny.

Penny is the most irritating casting choice on the show. She goes from being a tall, blond, Caucasian to a short, brunette, Latino. They even go as far as to imply that the she is jealous of Baby and Johnny when in the film they are just close friends. Neal who was once the conceited son or grandson of Mr Kellerman turns into a sleazetastic lifeguard whom Baby's father wants her to date.

In a word the pilot is so awful you can't stand to watch it but cannot look away. I assumed it was just a pilot and was stunned to learn it had ran a whole season. For the love of God when will people realize that television shows based on movies hardly work. There are some shining gems but they are rare indeed.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Tin Man

The Sci-Fi channel's miniseries The Tin Man is a fun and inventive movie with an original script an awesome script.

This re imagining of Frank L. Baum's Oz series stars Zooey Deschanel, Alan Cumming, Richard Dreyfuss, and Kathleen Robertson. The main character is DG (Deschanel) a farm girl who feels she doesn't belong anywhere.

A sudden storm transports her to the Outer Zone (a.k.a the O.Z.) and she learns that her real mother is trapped by an evil sorceress (Robertson) who is seeking and emerald that only D.G. knows about but does not remember the location.

She is soon joined by former court advisor Glitch (theScarecrow), a former police officer seeking revenge (Tin Man) and Raw a cowardly beast able to heal and read minds (Cowardly Lion). They are off to find the Mystic Man and save the O.Z. from eternal darkness.

Normally Sci-Fi's movies are bottom of the barrel garbage but Tin Man shines like the emeralds the characters are seeking. There's a great blend, of drama, action, and comedy and an original take on the OZ series.

You can try to catch it on the Sci-Fi channel, the DVD will be released March 2008.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Blood Car

This film will either go down as the most disturbing film I've ever seen. It will also go down as one the best and most original. Blood Car is a great satire on today's ecological and economical concerns.

Mike Brune plays Archie Andrews a teacher and vegan who's working on a wheat germ fueled car in order to circumvent the ever rising gas prices. Due to an accident Archie's blood mixes in with the wheat germ and proves a success. His car grabs the attention of Denise (Katie Rowlett) the crude, overtly sexual, owner of a meat stand. The two soon embark on a wild sexual relationship that depends entirely on his ability to drive him around.

Archie learns that the engine doesn't even need wheat germ and starts killing random people in order to keep the Blood Car running. Unbeknown to Archie CIA agents have been monitoring his every move.

The cast consists of mostly unknown but talented actors. Anna Chlumsky best known for her roles in the My Girl movies make a welcome return as Lorraine, Archie's wheat germ supplier who harbors an obvious crush on him.

The movie is quirky, original, offbeat with a lot of great dialogue. The film is very Troma-like, no glitzy Hollywood cinematography at all. The sex scenes are awkward and at times kind of unpleasant. And if you are looking for a shiny happy ending, don't look here.

If you have read the last paragraph and still are interested this movie is definitely for you.

Friday, January 4, 2008

Dirty Dancing: The Video Game

I've always considered myself a one game woman, and that games is Sims 2. Occasionally I do try to branch out. I tried SimCity 3000 and grew so annoyed with it that I stopped playing it rather quickly. I tried Second Life because a couple friends swore up and down it was just like Sims. A week later after encountering more than a few disturbing individuals, I uninstalled and never looked back.

However while traipsing about I stumbled across the demo and curiosity got the best of me. Playing the demo taught me one thing that I am still a one game woman and that game is still Sims 2.

Dirty Dancing as a movie is phenomenal as a game not so much. The graphics IMHO are second rate Disney ripoff. It's difficult to navigate and I had no clue how to advance in the game. Plus your eyes will burn with the vivid pinkness of the loading screen.

Dirty Dancing is a game designed for 13 year old girls but based on the nostalgia of their Moms. I do not see either demographic that would be interested in them.